


I am sorry for that thing I said when I smoked your stupid space-weed.

by NicoleXRick



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: College Morty! Popular Morty!, M/M, ThisIstheEXPRESSGoingToHellRoute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-01-16 08:44:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12339333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoleXRick/pseuds/NicoleXRick
Summary: And oh, OH! Morty would make him pay, alright. Rick could just hide and watch. And hide, and find out.‘I’ll do it, too. I’ll get him.’ Morty said out loud as if to convince himself that he could. ‘He won’t even know what h-hit, what even got him.’Morty paused....But how?Rick was literally the smartest being in the world. The galaxy. The multiverse! His grandfather would see right through any revenge ploy Morty could come up with.Morty grabbed a broom and began sweeping up the smaller chunks of crystal.He supposed he could just call Rick out...tell him that he knew the truth, and snarkily mention it every time he screwed up, but where was the fun in that? And what was to stop Rick from erasing that too? Morty just got the memory back, he didn’t want to lose it again. No, the only way to defeat a Rick at anything, was a to make him think that he wanted to lose.Then it hit him. He had it. The silver lining. The whole enchilada. And OH was Rick going to get it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing!! Don't sue me. I-I-I'm poor, ya' know? Don't sue. 
> 
> If you have tips or comments or whatever, comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am just a gal working on my writing. The weirder, the better. The more surprising, the better. Something that will make you go "Oh my god. What the actual fuck."

Chapter One: 

 

It was a chilly night outside, but stifling in the two bedroom house which was full of sweating, drunk, and mostly topless strangers. It was his third frat party this month and Morty was sure he would be attending another after his final next Friday.

He didn’t enjoy them as much as he did freshman year, staring at the women who shook what their mama’s gave them. Freely. Just like that. Without paying them a few dollars or anything. 

So much better than a strip club, Morty remembered thinking. Now though, everything was too loud, and the people were so single-universe minded. Slurring through the same boring topics. 

“I’m failing my Calculus class.” 

“I’m gonna get laid tonight! Be my wingman?”

“Dude, I need money for ramen or I am going to starve. Can I borrow ten dollars?”

“Amy, where have you been girl? Did you even HEAR what Angelica did last weekend?” 

No one ever mentioned any Bythemium crystals that only grow in a dimension where the sea plants can disintegrate your flesh if you get too close. Or pondered the mystery of the large oak tree growing in cold dark space, millions of light years from the nearest sun. Not one word of the going on’s of the universal planetary president elections being held this year for the first time in fifty years. 

No interdimensional cable.  
  
A sensual frame with large hips and swinging blonde hair interrupted his self-pity party by backing in front of him as he tried to get to the only bathroom in the house. Man, he really had to go, Morty had prepped for tonight by drinking a gallon of water. Prep was key, ya' know.

The girl swung in a circle and he caught a glimpse of metal laced lips and a butterfly tattoo on her face. Morgan, he should have known. Morty sighed. She was, as always, unaware of her own body space entering everyone else’s while she danced to a beat that didn’t match the music. Morty had to roll his eyes in fake exasperation to break his concentration from her behemoth ass bouncing in front of him. 

He tried not to think about why he had to fake faking exasperation. When he failed, his hands began to sweat. 

“Morty! There he is everyone! Happy birthday, dawg!” Jeffrey yelled into a microphone. “Let's welcome this legend to the stage for a few words!” 

The party go-ers cheered.

“Sur-Alright. I mean, I could do that.” Morty called out, latching onto the distraction. He wiped his palms on his jeans and half walked half pushed toward the “stage” which was really just the couch. This was something he could do. Something he didn’t have to fake. Fake like every relationship he had started in the past two years. 

People slapped him on the back as he passed and someone grabbed his crotch. He pulled at the shirt itching his neck, cleared his throat, and stretched his mouth into a wide toothy grin. Morty didn’t know what his problem was, this was the life he had always dreamed of having. He winked at a cheerleader and she sagged a little, giving him a dreamy sigh and a slutty stare. He chuckled. Yeah, that never got old. 

Morty had never expected to be popular in college. He figured if he were lucky, he could scrape and beg and pity his way into bed, like his father, but his life was dramatically changed after the first frat party his freshman year.

Jeffrey held the microphone out and Morty swiped it out of his hand.

“Hey. Hi, everybody. How are you doing tonight you, fuck, you bunch of fuckers!” 

The seniors cheered the loudest. They had something to prove, it seemed, trying to get their kicks in, he supposed, before they graduated and real life set in. Depressing. Repetitive. Expensive. 

“Ah Jeez, yeah. Heck yeah. I thought so. Ya’ know, me too!. Ready to get w-wrecked? Anyone think they have the balls to try and out drink me on my own birthday!?” 

The new bright faces of freshman cried out loudly with the seniors this time. So ready. So eager.

Eager like Morty had been as he sat in the garage one lazy Saturday night after his second or third adventure. He was thirteen, almost fourteen, and it was past midnight and the only sound was the familiar squeak squeak of his grandfather’s screwdriver. Everyone else was asleep. The flask was full and just... sitting there. Morty picked it up and brought it to his lips, looking over to the hunched, yet still intimidating figure that his Grandfather painted in his element. He waited for the chastising tone, it didn’t come. He took a sip. Then another...then another.

Sweaty palms. Think of something else. 

Someone handed him a beer. He tried not to turn up his nose. Weak stuff. He continued into the microphone. “What no one? Not one person? Common guys, give me, you gotta give me something to work with here.” His voice rebounded back into his ears, sounding too loud, but no one else seemed to mind. 

The sophomores and juniors and even the seniors suddenly huddled in on themselves despite all the ruckus they had just been making. Morty understood. The last two weekends had been hard on them. No one had even come close to winning this popular drinking game. “Joey?” Morty asked, but the bearded, scraggly- looking guy held his hands in the air in mock surrender and shook his head. Joey was an alcoholic if Morty ever saw one, but it seems even he knew when to throw in the towel.

A long minute passed, growing awkward and Morty wondered if he laid it on too thick, I mean, Christ, how cocky could he be? He was about to make an excuse and back out to bee-line for the restroom, when suddenly, answering his unspoken plea, four freshmen with interlocking arms, stood up. Morty almost laughed outright at how they looked ready for a protest and glaring at him as if he were a godless monster trying to destroy their favorite tree.

One of them, the leader, an over-confident jock-type pretty-boy with spiky hair and a thick build spoke first. “Alright Mortster. The name is Preston, I’ve heard of you. Legendary is right... although I figured you would be a little more…” He cut off there, and gestured to all of Morty’s person, blowing out a disbelieving breath. “Um, you know….”

“ ...Tall?” Morty provided, brushing it off. 

“Yeah, t-that is what I was gonna say. Go figure. Anyway.” Preston said. “I figured we would give you a little bit of a unique challenge. You know, something worthy of your birthday. Obviously, no one here can hold a candle to you by themselves, from what I have heard you can drink anyone into an early grave, so how would you feel about going against all four of us? One at a time?” 

The crowd buzzed. Stunned that they didn’t think of it first. 

“Fine.” Morty said.

“Wait! I want to raise the stakes.” Preston demanded.

Morty’s eyebrows rose. This was different. “What did you have in -- what are the stakes?” 

“Loser has to run around the campus, naked!” The girl to the right of Preston cut in. 

Figures. Linear thinking. 

Morty smirked. If only they knew...you didn’t grow up with a man like Rick Sanchez and not know how to drown a fish with water.

“Sure, but -- Ok fine, but it has to be in the morning, right before the announcements start.” Morty countered. 

If Preston was wary of Morty's certainty, he didn't show it. 

So it began. One beer after another, they chugged. Fifteen minutes passed. The first two competitors, Morty didn’t even bother to learn their names, didn’t last more than a handful of drinks each. It was rather disappointing, halfway over and Morty hadn’t even really gotten into his groove yet. 

Next came the girl, Maria she introduced herself, holding out a cool thin hand which Morty took. Maria was presumably Preston’s girlfriend by the way she clung to him. She lasted longer than Morty had expected, but that was only because it took a while for the alcohol to hit her bloodstream. When it did, she went down hard. Morty put a hand over his mouth, wondering if he had overdone it. He watched for warning signs when her head lulled to the left as she tried to stay conscious. 

“Someone...Can someone get her out of here? To the restroom. She’s going to be sick.” Morty spoke a little too loudly. 

Preston had little regard for his girlfriend being carted off by a couple of her friends, instead, he plopped down on the makeshift couch-stage and roared as he stabbed the can with a little red swiss army knife, then popped the lid, and put his lips to the hole, shotgunning the beer. He roared again when he finished, and the crowd responded with enthusiasm.

Oh Please. Morty thought. Rick invented that move. Morty didn’t say that though. He just popped another lid and drank. 

Two more for Preston. Three for Morty. Three more for Preston. Three for Morty. Two for Morty, Four for Preston. Five for Morty. Two for Preston. 

Morty had to hand it to Preston, he was eleven beers in and going strong. Morty felt reasonably buzzed now, the world became shiny and his worries melted like butter. A burp- chuckle escaped Morty’s lips when he suddenly thought of butter robot, encouraging Preston to chug faster. One, Two, Three, more beers. 

My god, he thinks he is winning, Morty thought, keeping pace and glancing over at the swaying mess that was his savior of a boring night. Better finish this before he gets hurt.

Morty stood and walked over to his competition.

“Dih-ja...Do...Are you calling it quitsies, Mo-Mortster?” Preston slurred. Morty tried not to stare at his right eyelid, which was half closed. The other compensated by widening. He was trashed.

Morty held out another beer to him. Preston looked at it in confusion, possibly disgust, and as the Freshman took it, Morty poked him in the stomach. 

“Uuuuaaaaaaaaggggghhhh” Preston was on his knees, blowing chunks. The house, which had been quiet and intense, suddenly burst into cheers. 

“Morty! Morty! Morty!” They cried.

Feeling good, Morty flung himself off the couch and into the arms of his colleagues. “Bathroom! I gotta.... Man, I have been holding it for ages.” Morty shouted at them, and with another cheer, they obliged, forgetting all about poor Preston as the party broke up into bouts of dancing and heavy drinking. 

Morty shut the noise out with a click of the door lock. He did his business and scrolled through phone. Not wanting to go back out until he was sure he could take on another competitor. Preston’s little gimmick had taken more out of him than he had thought. Maybe he was just getting soft. He hadn’t partied with Rick since the summer before he left for college. 

Sweaty palms.

Morty tried to block the image out, playing solitaire and scrolling through Facebook on his android. The videos of him and Preston were already circulating, but his mind was loosey goosey now and susceptible to triggers. The memory of Rick’s haggard voice popped into his head. 

“So, so what, Mo-OURGH-ty? Y- you’re just going to go- go off and learn, what Morty? Math Morty? Psychology Morty? What, what’s your plan Morty?” 

 

His Grandfather was in a good mood that night. Morty clearly remembered the smell and texture of alien blood that was soaking into the couch from their clothes as he flipped through the Interdimensional cable channels. They had just stolen Phippifino beam rifles from the Phippfinoians, a race that looked to end all other lifeforms in the galaxy. Rick said the weapons sold for a high price because they could melt through a human skull on the lowest setting of one out of thirteen. 

“Well, you know Rick. I thought maybe, I mean, what if I just didn’t go. Ya’ know?” Morty suggested, lighting the bong and inhaling whatever Rick had handed to him. 

“Didn’t go, Morty? Didn’t go to what, school? What, l-like just stay in town and get a job or something?”

“Yeah. Well kinda, like, what if I just did what you do, with you, like we always do. Except for full-time.” Morty said casually. 

“Morty, what kind of du-OUGH-mb dumb idea is that, Morty? You fucking idiot. You have to have a job, Morty.” Rick said. Except he yelled it. Rick always yelled. It was his way of saying he cared, but that didn’t stop Morty from taking it personally.

“Hey. Ok, Rick. Jeez, you’re the one always saying that school is for losers and how pointless it is to even go and stuff.” 

“Yeah Morty, but, how are you going to make money Morty? I am no-OUGH-t, not going to be around forever Morty. What will you do then? You- you’re not like me, Morty. You can’t do this kinda dangerous stuff on your own. You’re too dumb.”

“Rick, what are you even saying? Not around, what you’re going to bail again? How could you do this to Mom, Rick?

“No you dumb fuck. Jesus, you’re dumb. I am going to DIE M-morty!” 

“What? Die? DIE! Rick why? W-why would you die?” 

“Everyone dies, Morty!” 

“No. You won’t die. You can’t die. Look at you! You- you’re timeless! Not a single wrinkle, Rick. I am pretty confident about this one, Rick.” 

“That’s it, I need to take you to a- a fucking ph-phys- a therapist, Morty. A fucking shrink huh, Morty? I kind of always knew you needed medication MoOURGHty, but damn.”

“What the fuck Rick. I don’t need a shrink, I am being serious here. How old even are you?” 

“That’s rude Morty, you little shit, but, uh, I don’t know I lost track...seventy-five, seventy-eight, Morty.” 

“See, most people your age already have one foot in the grave!” Morty countered, taking another hit. This was good shit. 

“Yeah. Well, I guess I have messed around with a few chemicals and there was that one time I ate a- Hey, wait, that doesn’t mean you get to skip out on college, Morty. You can’t freeload. Riding my coattails to success, Morty. Do you want to be your fucking, da-OUGH-d you want to be a Jerry, Morty?”

“Oh-Oh god, no Rick. Oh Jeez, I- I can't be my dad. I would probably kill myself, but-but isn’t there some way, Ya’ know, some way for me to get by in life, doing what you do?” Morty took another pull to try and calm himself, how many was that now? 

“Jesus Morty, you little needy bitch. What? What, can’t be away from your ‘ol grandpa for a few years while you have the fu-OUGH-cking decency to get yourself a-an education, Morty? Do I have to do everything for you, Morty?” 

“I….well… I-I…just...” Morty stammered, at a loss for words. 

“ I- I- I-” Mimicked Rick.

Morty thought about it and he burned in shame. Shame and something else, anger. The knowledge that there was a little nugget of the truth in his harsh words. 

“You- You know what? Fine. You win, Rick. I’ll go to college, but I can’t be having you drop in every class, every test I have, Rick. It is not fair. It is distracting. It is why I have barely skated through High School. You- you kinda ruined any chance of me getting into a go- a good- a decent college, Rick.” 

“Oh, so everything is my fault now. So I-I am th-OUGH-e, the reason you are a fucking dumb idiot, a-a stupid moron, eh, Morty? It’s my fault too. C-Cause from where I am sitting, you, I, you, the most action you were ever going to get was going to come from the adventures we went on together, Morty. You lost your virginity because of me Morty. You’re fucking welcome!” 

“What? What does my virginity have to do with this, Rick?” Morty cried, throwing his hands in the air.

“Nothing. Jes-OUGH-us Morty. I am saying I did you a favor.” Rick shot back, crossing his arms, 

“A favor? Rick, a FAVOR!? My whole childhood was capsized by those adventures! I never got to do a-anything normal. I’ll never know if I had a shot with Jessica, because you were dragging me off to a dimension where squirrels had taken over the world!”

“Don’t talk about them out loud you dummy! They could be listening!”

“Cut the shit, Rick.” Morty ground his teeth. “ You- you ruined my childhood because you co- you couldn’t handle the multiverse without me, Rick! You like to say it is our compatible brainwaves, that I hide you from the galactic federation, Rick. But do you know what I think? You were just LONELY.”

“Lonely, fuck, Morty! What the-”

“No Rick! No! I have to finish saying this! Because I was only fourteen, Rick, damn it, Rick. I, I, I should have been attending classes, ya’ know, worrying about tests and pubic hairs, and dating...Instead, I was galavanting all over the- all over space with you’re drunk, high, ass and playing god with aliens!--” 

“Morty...Oh shit, Morty. How much of this space weed have you had? There is a limit on that stuff Morty. I think I mentioned that.” Rick interrupted. 

“--All because you have some weird attachment to your grandson, making me want- need your approval and praise. When all the while, Rick, you just wanted someone to talk to so you wouldn't blow your brains out.--” 

“Woah there, Morty. Wh-OAGH-at What are you doing there… w-watch what you’re, where you’re putting your hands, Morty. Let go of my fucking shirt.”

“--And another thing. You can’t be talking about dying Rick, y-you can’t ever die Rick. I’ll show you, Rick. 100 years Rick and Morty, Forever, Rick. And oh-OH, I’ll go to college and I’ll ace whatever class I take. I don’t need you to make me feel dumb and weak. I don’t need this and I don’t need you.”

“Morty, what are you doing!? Morty, get off of my lap.”

“--And oh, I will graduate college and come back here and stand next to you and not feel like a child, Rick. I am not a child anymore. Do you realize that, Rick?” 

“Morty, damn it, what the fuck, M-M-Morty, go to your room.” 

“No Rick, I won’t. I won’t go to my room. Do you want to know why? Because I am an adult. I am an adult and you are an adult. I am not going to my room because I am an adult and I think I am not the only one ya’ know, h-here who is, who feels...” 

Morty cringed hard into his hands. His fingernails squeezing his arms hard enough to leave bruises. He stared blankly at the patterns on the bathroom tile. His shoulders were shaking. That was the last thing he remembered. That had been the last time he had seen Rick. Morty had woken up in his bed the next morning. Mom was calling to him from downstairs, telling him to grab breakfast and pack the last of his things into the car so they could beat traffic and get him settled into his dorm. His Dad was moping in the living room. It would be just Jerry and Rick in the house during the day now and no Morty to distract Rick from how much he liked to torture Jerry. 

Head pounding, Morty looked all over for Rick. He was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t in his garage and his portal gun wasn’t in the safe. Morty had a small sinking feeling then, way down in the pit of his stomach, that he had broken something between him and his Grandfather. 

As the days and weeks passed with no word from Rick, the feeling began to grow. Mom would write letters about how Rick had invented some crazy science thing and now they owned a three-headed cat, or how Jerry had been zapped to the middle of the Sahara Desert “accidentally”, or how Rick managed to save the earth from an army of midgets, but there was never any direct communication between him and Rick. He hadn't even messaged him to say Happy Birthday. 

Now, after a year and a half of college life, Morty had Christmas break coming up. The part-time job that he had taken as a distraction had fallen flat. Now he was going to be trapped in that house with Rick, not knowing what he had said, not knowing what he had done. Not knowing how to fix…everything. 

Walking over to the sink Morty glanced into the tortured eyes reflecting back at him through the mirror. He splashed his face with cold water, then threw a punch at them, creating an intricate spider web pattern in the glass. 

Morty shoved his bleeding hand in his pocket, walked back out to more cheers and three new competitors.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Loved your quick responses. I wrote this today while at work, sorry if there are typos, I haven't had a chance to go back and re-read. Keep the comments coming! I love the feedback. You guys are great!

CHAPTER 2

 

Morty came around with Morgan’s vagina pressed up against his cheek, the clit-ring stabbing into the fleshy part of his under-eye was really ruining the moment for him. One arm underneath his chest, then the other, he pushed himself up and began taking inventory. He was completely naked, but thankfully in one of the two bedrooms this time and not on Dean Anderson's lawn.   
His head was throbbing, but not nearly as bad as it would have if he had been drinking anything other than the cheap piss only college kids could enjoy. 

“Hey kid, finally awake? It is nearly noon.” Morgan said lazily.

“Oh. Y-yeah. I am, yeah I am, real conscious. Wow, some party last night, huh? Did you say noon? Shit, I really- I need to go, Summer is going to be mad, ya’ know, super angry. I was supposed to be ready hours ago.” Morty said, searching for his phone in mess of blankets. 

Morgan made a humming noise and Morty grimaced at the flat tone. 

Oh yeah, that.

“So hey, listen, about last night… Ya’ know. M-maybe I just had too much to drink.”

Morgan laughed without humor. “Right, so that is why this is the fourth time?”

“Aw jeez, was it? Man, I am super sorry.”

“You know I am starting to think you just can’t get it up…Is it me? ” Morgan asked in a tone that sounded like a statement. 

“Oh no. No, I can get it up. Oh. I can totally….totally...blow your mind, girl.” 

“Well, that tongue of yours isn’t too bad.” She responded with a wink. He chuckled and slapped her ass. “ Next time, I won’t drink at all.” 

“Promise?” She asked, voice scaling high in delight. 

“Y-yeah, girl, I promise.” 

Morty really hoped his little problem was the alcohol, if not, he was going to have a hard time around school with that limp-dick reputation. Morgan would do it too. She’d tell the whole school if only to play the victim. 

“Great! Now, weren’t you just leaving?”

“Yeah, shit, I’ll see you. I'll be seeing you later Morgan.” 

“Bye boo-bear.” 

“Ew,” Morty said, shivering at the pet name.

“What?”

Oh, he had said that out loud. “Oh, n-nothing I just, um, I saw a fat spider crawl under the bed is all.” Morty lied. 

He threw on last night’s clothes. They felt gritty and smelled pretty bad, but he didn’t have time to stop by his dorm. So, he sent a quick text to Summer, who had messaged him sixteen times since 9:00 am and began to jog to the cafe they were supposed to meet at, leaving Morgan bending over the bed with a boot too large to be hers, and definitely not his. 

He pushed the doors to Cafe Shalama open around fifteen minutes later, but it had felt like an hour. Summer standing with her hands on her hips, like she was posing for a photo or something. She looked in a better mood than he had expected. 

“Hey, dweeb. What took you?”

“Hey Summer, cou-could you not call me that? I am more popular than you ever were in college.” 

“Whatever.” She huffed. 

“Yeah, so thanks for the ride.”

“Yeah, well, I am pissed. I was here hours ago. The only reason I didn’t leave is because I wanted to get that barista’s phone number.”

Morty scanned the room. “David? You know he has crabs right?”

She growled and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I have been out of the closet for forever now. Jesus, you’re worse than Grandpa Rick. Pay attention to your family, Morty!” Summer said, throwing her hands up in disbelief.

“Ok....Yeah, I remember you saying something like that.” Morty said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

He tried again. There was only one chick in an apron that he could see. “What Tiffany? Yeah, she’s ok… her vagina lips are kind of- sort of a weird color though.”

“Damn it, you asshole. I really dug her. I can’t have your sloppy seconds!” 

“Yeah sorry, wh-what can you do you know? I have kinda slept with a lot of people around here. So much better than high school, right? Not a l-loser anymore, am I?” Morty offered. 

“What-EVER.” Summer said again. She threw a scrap of paper she had been holding with digits scribbled on it into the trash and stomped off to the car. 

He followed her in and while he was buckling his seatbelt, she bent over and slapped the back of his head and twisted the volume knob up to an uncomfortable 23. 

Great. Yeah, this vacation is starting off wonderfully. Morty thought, rubbing his temples. The music had brought his headache back and he had forgotten to order his double espresso. 

Home was a good four hours away, Summer only ignored him all of it. His phone was dead, and their taste in music was so opposite, Morty wondered if they were actually even siblings at all. 

Then SCREAM by Michael Jackson came on. 

“Tired of injustice! Tired of the schemes! Your lies are disgusting! ” Summer spewed tunelessly, drumming her hands on the steering wheel. 

Morty bit his lower lip, closing his eyes focusing on the beat. He moved his shoulders in what the assumed was rhythmic. Yeah, they were related. He got into the groove of it and sang. “You tell me I'm wrong, then, you better prove you're right! You're sellin' out souls - but I - I care about mine…!” 

“Yeah sing it, little brother!” Summer yelled and turned the music up even louder. Morty didn’t mind as much though. It may be a bit old-school, but damn, could Michael sing! Morty’s emotions with the music and he broke out, “With such confusion don't it make you wanna scream? Your bash abusin’ victimize within the scheme!”

Summer took over, and he let her. Her tune had gotten better as her voice warmed up and he was content to let her enjoy the lyrics by herself. 

Then they looked at each other with something only they could share, and together they sang the chorus because it spoke to a deep part of themselves that they both understood and respected in one other. 

“Stop pressur-in me! Just stop pressur-in me! Stop pressur-in' me! You make me wanna scream!” They belted and then continued the rest together. Morty thought he heard an extra wavering in Summer's voice, but he ignored it. 

As the song ended, they broke off into laughter at how terrible they sounded together. Like a train whistle. Only worse. They fell into a much more comfortable silence, and Summer cranked the music down as they finally pulled into the drive. 

“So, Morty, listen...I know I may have been acting like a mega bitch earlier. I am sorry. I just… I have been having a hard time with life lately, you know? I try and I try, but I am not getting anywhere with work. Bills are climbing higher, and I am never going to get that raise now that my boss knows I like chicks. She’s a total homophobe...”

“Yeah, I get that. I get it. And, and I am sorry too, Summer. Sorry I was late. Finals are a bitch, you know? Drinking is the only way I can, c-cope, with stuff, with things...” 

His sister tussled his hair like she used to when he was a teenager and then punched him in the arm. “No problem, dweeb, just don’t party so hard. I think you will really regret it. You don't want to end up like… well….”

“Yeah.” Said Morty. 

That was the end of their heart to heart. Probably the only one they were likely to have for the next ten years. He got out of the car and she twisted the key to restart the old junker. 

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Oh, god. You thought...No. There is no way I am staying here for Christmas break. See ya, little brother!” Summer said as she peeled out. 

“F-fuck. Aw mannnn!” Morty moaned. He kicked a stone after her car that was long gone. 

The Smith door was unlocked so he just walked in out of habit without knocking, though, that didn’t really feel right either. Kind of an in-between familiarity and something he had grown out of. 

“Hey! Anyone home?” He called, making his way into the kitchen. There was a note on dining room table. 

Morty! Your dad ate a bunch of shard glass shards that were stuck in one of the muffins your Grandpa made for him last night. Please, god, just… keep him busy this week. I don’t know how much more Jerry can take of this. 

 

“Oh Jesus, Rick!.” Morty cried, picking up the paper and re-reading it. 

“N-now do-OUGH-n’t, don’t go getting the wrong idea, you little shit-head. He is fine. They were, UOUGH, they were pretty blunt shards. Pretty small. Should- should pass right through, nice and smooth, Morty.” Rick said suddenly from behind him. Morty jumped, but Rick didn’t notice, just shoved him with his shoulder as he passed on his way to the fridge. 

Morty froze. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he had been over stimulating the built-up anxiety toward seeing his Grandfather again. He had tried to think of a few things to say that would make things run a little smoother. He tried to remember how they used to talk. All that was gone now and he stumbled out of the way. Morty had grown, but Rick was…there was something about the way he walked. Tall. Commanding in that pristine lab coat. A true god among the sheep of humanity. 

Morty’s hands began to sweat. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Rick popped a can of beer and took a long pull, pulled it away to belch, and then took another. Morty could see the bobbing movement in his throat as he filled it with his favorite pass time. 

Then something unexpected happened. Morty’s dick twitched. 

Eyes wide, face flushed, and sweating like a fucking whore in church, Morty whispered to himself. “What...what the actual fuck…?” 

Rick slammed the fridge and Morty’s heart failed. “W-What? What Morty?” Rick asked, cupping his hand around his ear. “Y-You know Grandpa’s got bad- you know I can’t hear shit, Morty. Speak up.” 

“No!” Morty panicked as Rick turned to face him. His Grandpa’s hard uncaring eyes were piercing… and Morty remembered everything he had ever done to get them to soften for him. They stole Morty’s last breath. He had to talk fast to compensate. “No, i-it was nothing. I said you- you’re such a dick, Rick. F-For doing that to my Dad- my Father, Rick.” 

“Yeah, well, he had it coming. He fucked with a very expensive item of mine, Morty. I was going to create a pheno-tonic plasmatic serotonin inducer, with- with that anti-matter goo, Do you even know what I had to do to get that, Morty? I had to shove half my body up a space rhino’s ass for that goo, Morty! Jerry, he- he said that it was an accident that it broke all over the floor of my garage he had no business being in-in-in- at in the first place, but I had already told him how important it was to me at dinner the night before, Morty. He, Jerry is just a dick. He is the dick here, Morty, not me.”

“Oh. Um. O-Ok, Rick. Well, hey, I gotta- I’m gonna go, got to my room for a bit, Rick. Have fun body fucking a space rhino.”

Rick stared at him for about three seconds too long. Calculating. Analyzing. Seeing right through him. Eventually, his Grandpa just flicked his hand and took another pull. “Yeah, ok, M-m- I don't care, Morty.” 

Morty bolted up the stairs, two at a time, to his old room. Slamming the door, he locked it and dropped to his knees. What the fuck was that? What just happened? It had to be a fluke, right? A-a-a sham. He was stressed. He was just stressed about finals and Morgan. Morgan had been so hot last night. He probably was just thinking of her, subconsciously. Yeah. He just needed a good wank. Just a good ‘ol tug on the meat scepter. Some time alone with his wedding wrecker. His trusty cervix crusader. This was no biggie. 

Throwing himself on his bed, Morty tugged down his pants roughly and pulled his member out from the flap of his boxers. 

Morgan, he thought. Morgan, and her jiggly thick ass. Morgan and her strawberry blonde hair that smelled so good. 

Nothing. 

He had to try something else. 

“Jessica.” Morty groaned out loud. Oh Jessica, his first love. The hottest chick in school. He pictured her rubbing her slick cunt up and down his dick and he moved rhythmically with his hand. He got a half- mass chub. “ Yeah, oh y-yeah Jessica. You...you’re so tight!” 

Rick holding his beer in one hand, unbuttoning his lab coat with the other, giving him that hard stare- the one that said, get ready, I am going to fuck you up. 

“A-ah! Fuck! Jeez, ew! No!” Morty let got of his member like it was a grenade and threw his hands back to smack the wall behind him. Quickly, like it was going to jump up and bite him, Morty stuffed his prick back into his pants. 

His suddenly very hard prick. 

Morty’s hand began to sweat. He had to get to the bottom of this. Soon.

****

 

“Hey, Rick.” Morty said as casually as he could with his throat collapsing in on itself, dry as a popcorn fart. 

“What’s up-What do you want, Morty?” 

“Hey, oh nothing. Jus-just wondering if you needed some help, ya’ know. Maybe with that space rhino asshole? I hear, ya’ know it might be pretty tight. You probably need- want an extra hand?”

Rick spun on his grey office chair, wrench in one hand, silver flask in the other. It was pretty hard for Morty to tell because of their time apart, but he was sure Rick was 57% drunk. 

“You want to go on an- “ he crooked two fingers almost dropping his things- “ an adventure, Morty? That what you’re ask-OUGH-ing here?”

“Well, yeah. I guess. Yeah, I guess I am.” 

Rick gave him that long calculating stare again, making Morty slightly uncomfortable, before breaking out in a larger than life grin- “Yeah! That’s the sp-spirit- that’s more like it, M-morty! Let’s go get that goo, Morty. But Grandpa has, you know his shoulder isn’t what it used to be, Morty. You’re going to have to be the one to go into the asshole this time. Don’t worry. Piece of c-cake. Only took me like, an hour to reach it, Morty. But you are sprier. You’ll be in an out of there in like 20 minutes tops.” 

“Aw, really, Rick… I mean...it’s your goo. Ya’ Know? A-and I have had this issue with my breathing today Rick. I-” 

Rick cut him off. “You little asshole, you asked for this, Morty. Now suit up and be grateful.” 

Morty sighed, feeling his eyebrows pinch together. “F-Fine.” He walked to the lever beside the garage door and yanked it hard, dropping out a hole in the floor. “You know, I really hate yo-your ass sometimes. You always throw me under the bus. Make-Making me do all the grunt work because you’re the ‘one with the space-ship and the portal gun and you’ll leave me behind if I don’t do exactly what you say.’ What a load of- “ 

“Jesus, Morty, shut- if you shut up I'll take you to blitz and chips, Morty.” 

“Oh- Okay, Rick. Yeah, but no time limits this time, I am going to kick your ass at Roy, this time Rick.” Morty said as he descended the stairs down to grab the hazard suit. He stripped and put in one leg in the yellow suit at a time, calling out, “I- I am a totally different person now, Rick. The-the ladies they can’t get enough of me! Cream-Cream- Wetting their panties everytime they see me, Rick. I think it will really give me an edge in the game.” 

“Th-OUGH-at’s, yeah, that’s great, Morty. Fantastic. A rea-real american hero, Morty. Now move your ass, Morty. We- I- We are on a tight schedule. The space Rhino is only asleep for another two hours. You don’t want to be in- in that situation- in it’s ass when it wakes up, Morty. They...they have a weird defense mechanism. To-to ward off predators like us. They, uh, well let's just say it’s messy, Morty. Real messy.”

“Oh, that’s perfect, just great. Is it going to shit on me, Rick?” 

“You can only hope that is what it does, Morty.” Rick chuckled. He shook his portal gun and let out a growl. “O-Oh damn it, Morty. Only enough juice for one jump. We are gon-OUGH-na, gonna have to take the ship. This is going to be a close one.” 

“Ok, Rick.” Morty said, jumping into his side of the ship, then, thinking better of it, he scooted over and grabbed the wheel. 

“What are you doing?” Rick asked. “ We don't have time for this.” 

“Aw, p-please Rick? I, It’s been forever! Ages. Let me have this one.” 

“Hah, fine, sport. You-you little-little scamp.” Rick said and jump-slid over the top of the spaceship to the other side. “Just make sure you turn on the warp drive before you pass the moon, it-it, the calculations always go wonky if you do it after.” 

“Right.” 

“An-an-an just remember-” 

“Yeah, Jesus, the key transports back home if you turn it three times- I got this, Rick!” 

“Ok Morty, don’t get you-your- don’t twist your panties, Morty.” 

With that, they took off. Space travel in Rick’s ship was nothing like cruising down the road in Summer’s car. The silence was loud with no music to drown it. Every few moments Rick would swig his flask. Slurping noisily. 

“R-” Morty’s voice cracked. He cleared it. “Say, Rick. C-Could I get a drink of that?” 

“Hmm?”

“Your flask.”

“Huh? Oh y-yeah. Here.” 

Morty took it, it seemed smaller in his hands than he remembered. With one hand on the wheel, he unscrewed the top with his forefinger and thumb. The smell that hit him was so much like his real coming home, the way it should have been. He licked a drop off the top. It tasted sweet and kind of like battery acid. He tilted his head back and took a long-long pull. 

“Do I need to give you a moment? Try not to have an orgasm o-over there, M-morty.” 

Morty choked. Spitting the last bit down his shirt.

“H-Ha, yeah. Funny.” Morty said, between coughs. 

“That is expensive stuff, Morty, damn it,” Rick yelled, yanking it back out of his hand. Rick put his lips to the rim and drained the rest, sucking his cheeks in to pull in every last bit. watching Morty watch him as he did. 

Morty’s stomach fumbled in a way that had nothing to do with the warp drive. 

“So… Rick… I was thinking we could talk?”

“Talk? Talk about what?” Rick asked, slumping into his seat, shoving his flask back into his pocket for safekeeping. 

“So…. we… hah! We had some fun times, huh?” 

“What, Morty? Yeah...I guess. Where- what- where are you going with this? Just spit it out, Morty. I hate people who- who waste my time. If you have something to say, just say it. Say it.” Rick growled. “Say it or shut up.”

“Oh. Ok. Rick...do-do you remember the night before I left for college?” Morty asked. 

Morty was met with silence. Rick stared at him so long… with such a hideous expression, Morty thought he had made a terrible mistake in bringing it up. 

Slowly rick leaned over him, flipped the ignition, and brought the ship to a sudden stuttering halt. 

“Rick, what are you doing?” 

Rick didn't respond, instead, he brought out his portal gun and blew a green fluorescent hole in the front of the ship.

“Rick! Holy fuck! What are you doing? Y-you can't do that! The engine could-” 

“Get out, Morty.” Rick said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Depending on how my next two days go, I'll have chapter three up pretty soon. I want to make this relatively short. Maybe 5-7 chapters max.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! This is great! I love you guys, you...you bunch of fucked up, fuckers. I love you. I wish smooching were currency so I could just smooch you all. This was my favorite chapter to write so far, even though it is a little shorter. Don't hate me. It is worth it. Patience. Read it nice and slow, catch everything. Xoxoxoxoxo

Chapter 3

 

“Get out. Get out. Get out!” Rick yelled, grabbing Morty’s hair and shoving him face first into the portal. The feeling of his molecules flexing over space-time where his shoulders should be just... it just made him so angry. 

 

“F-Fuck!” Morty used his hands, still on the spaceship side of the portal to slap and scratch anything that resembled flesh. “Rick, stop it! Just talk to me, Rick!” 

 

A throaty ahem distracted him enough to cease physical harm to Rick, so he just latched onto his lab coat and strangled his legs around the spaceship’s steering wheel. Looking out into the living room, Morty noticed his Mom and Dad were back and perched on the couch. The portal was placed right on top of the television. “O-Oh, hey. Hi, guys.” Morty said.

 

Jerry’s eyes brightened, his mouth had some surgical tape stuck to it still. “Morty! Good to see you! Keeping your Grandfather out late by chance?” He asked in a cheerful and sappy tone. He was so nervous and submissive looking. I mean, even more so than normal. What the hell did Rick do to him?

 

“Hi, honey.” His mom tried, sipping wine out of the bottle, one of two, sitting on the coffee table. “Look, do you think you could...I don’t know… your Grandfather has just been really pent up since you left, a little alone time with my husband really shouldn’t be too much to ask. Can you and Dad have an all-nighter? A good lonnng adventure, like you used to?” 

 

“Oh, well. I mean I can do my best. Say, Dad? Can you do me a favor real quick?”

 

“Sure, anything sport!” 

 

“Ok, you see that vase right there, the one Rick scientifically altered the coating of to- to not break because it's Mom’s favorite? No…not that... the big one. Yeah, hand that to me please.” 

 

Morty released Rick with one hand, who was still pushing him through, so desperate that he began pinching Morty’s arms. Vase in hand, with one quick ompf he curled up through the portal and brought it down on top of Rick’s head.

 

“Arugh.” 

 

Hit.

 

“Ow.” 

 

Hit.

 

“Damn, Morty.” 

 

Hit. 

 

“I-I am going to get you for this, M-morty!” 

 

Hit. 

 

“Wah...fub...me…” 

 

Hit. 

 

That was the end of it. Rick was out like a light. Morty popped back through the portal and handed the vase, bloody at one corner, to a grinning Jerry and a stunned Beth. 

 

“Morty...did you just...murder...your Grandfather?” Beth asked.

 

“I wish.” Jerry and Morty said together. 

 

“No, he’s just going to have a hell of a headache, nothing ya' know, special,” Morty told his Mom. “Look hand me some rope, I have to tie him up or he- you know, he is going to go all chainsaw massacre on my ass when he wakes up.” 

 

Beth sighed, took another sip of wine, and then pulled some black nylon rope out from under the couch. 

 

“Ew, you guys. Gross.” Morty said. 

 

“Let’s not talk about it, sport,” Jerry said.

 

“Agreed.” Said Morty. “Ok, so this will probably hold him for a good… I don't know maybe five minutes. Got anything better?”

 

Beth blinked at him. She slowly put her hand back underneath the couch and came out with handcuffs. Her eyes firmly fixed on a horse picture on the wall as she handed him first the cuffs, then dug around in her pocket and produced some keys.

 

“Wow….” Morty said. 

 

“Not talking about it!” Beth hissed. 

 

“... Bye.” Morty said and slipped back through the portal. 

 

Half an hour slipped by in a snap. Morty thought and rethought every situation, every possible reason for his Grandfather to act out like he did. So what? Did Morty hit on him or something? Rick...He, he has to know that Morty was so fucked up that night. What, did he shove his hands down Rick's pants or something. Morty cringed. No. Even that...it wouldn’t be worth more than a few months of ridicule to a guy like Rick. So what the hell happened? 

 

“Oh...oh fuck. Mor-OURGH-ty. I will, you little, I will rip you limb from limb.” Rick groaned as his eyelids fluttered open to find himself bound in six different ways to the passenger side door. 

 

“Wh-what was I supposed to do, Rick? You just flipped… you totally wigged out on me man.” Morty said.

 

“I flipped….I flipped out, Morty!? You KNOCKED ME UNCONSCIOUS, MORTY! I was just trying to send you home, you little shit. You tried to kill me. You tied me up to my own ship. Are these Shibari style knots? What the fuck, Morty. Where did you even learn this Morty?! The-these are actually pretty g-good Morty, damn. I mean if you have some free time I know a guy on gazorpazorp that is looking for a- ” 

 

“You know what I mean, Rick. What did….what’s going on? Why won’t you talk to me about that night? I am losing my mind over this, Rick! Did you put micro interdimensional worms in me again? Is that why I can’t remember anything? Is that why my...why weird stuff is happening to me?”

 

“Ugh, ok fine M-morty. You can't remember anything? Y-you want to know what happened? Nothing.”

 

“N-nothing, Rick?” Morty asked, shifting his eyes to the windshield that held the expanse of space, framed perfectly, and then back to Rick. That couldn’t be right.

 

“Nothing,” Rick confirmed. “We got into a pretty heated argument about how I ruined your life, you punched me in the face, and I, well I am not proud of this M-morty, but I called Jessica and told her you loved her, and then you ran up to your room crying, Morty.” 

 

“Then why did you freak on me?”

 

“Morty, you had just said I ruined your life. I wasn’t going to just, to just put up with that soggy load of bull shit. “

 

“So you left,” Morty stated.

 

“Just like you wanted, Morty. But look at you now- begging for the adventures that ruined you.” 

 

“Aw..aw jeez Rick.” Morty rushed to untie him. Anxiety crippling stomach and twisting his soul all into knots, “Oh, what have I done? Man I, I'm sorry Rick. “

 

Rick pushed himself up into a normal sitting position, stretching and popping a few joints. “Oh Christ, that, I am not used to that kind of position anymore, Morty. I-It’s fine, Morty. Let’s OUGH let’s just let bygones be bygones, eh? Forget about the anti-matter goo, Morty. It’s too late now anyway. Lets just hit blitz and chips and head home.”

 

“Aw man, you really mean it?”

 

“Y-yea- Sure, why not?” 

 

“Ok, cool, Gee Rick, thanks!” 

 

“No, Not a problem little buddy, b-but I am driving, pulling that ignition the way I did...that… wow, that is going to be pricey, Morty. The asymmetric Eather drive coils are going to be completely fried. L-like I am going to be re-real lucky if I can afford gas next month.” 

 

“I’ll do what I can to help, Rick.” Morty said. “You don't...why don’t I do something to make this up to you? It’s partially my fault, ya’ know.”

 

“Y-yeah like what Morty? With your broke ass, seven dollars an hour ass funds, Morty?” 

 

“Ya’ know, I was thinking something a little less in the financial department.”

 

“Oh? Like what, what can you do to fix t-this multi-million dollar machine? What do you know about calibrating a dual hypothalamic engine? Yes, Morty, parts of my ship are organic of n-nature. They aren’t in pain, Morty. It, I- you know, I understand why the galactic federation may have made it illegal to do that type of thing, Morty, but I am a genius, Morty. Those things don’t apply. Not to me. Not to someone who can do it right, Morty. What are you going to do to help fix my ship, Morty?”

 

“Rick, you know I can’t do anything like that,” Morty said, looking down and fiddling with the baby hairs on the back of his neck. “ B-but you know, I give a killer massage. I could, if you want, I could do that?” 

 

“Huh. Was-OUGH-n’t, wasn't expecting that.” Rick replied. He looked Morty up and down as if sizing him up. “ You know what? Yeah. Ok. I-I could use a good massage. But- but first Morty, FIRST, we P-A-R-T-Y!” Rick kicked open the glove box and pulled out two more flasks, and tossed one to him. 

 

******

 

The days just rolled on by after that. Morty didn’t have any other “feelings” toward Rick. It was pretty great. He was cured of the awkward friction that had kept him tethered to the past, to that awful night of drug abuse gone wrong, and the relationship between him and Rick and never been better. Morty, for all his continued lack of competence, even found a way to earn Rick’s appreciation. He out drank him. 

 

“I-I always knew you h-OUGH-ad, fuck me, that you had it in you, Morty.” Rick had said before passing out on the blue planet Morshersporg. Everything was blue, very pretty sunsets. It had to be near sunrise at that time though. Morty was only just lucid, and feeling on top of the world as he dragged Rick back through the portal and tossed him into his grey office seat in the garage, but not before drawing the phrase “I like sloppy dick” on Rick's face with a red sharpie.

 

They saved the world twice. Once from pine needle tree branch assassins. Who, ya’ know, who knew they would get so upset if you mentioned your fondness for red maple trees. They, I guess they have a feud going on or something. 

 

The other was a little closer to home. Beth wanted Jerry to dominate her for a night for a change so she “borrowed” some testosterone liquid that Rick was still testing and well, you know how some animals eat their young to get rid of the competition? Yeah. He basically claimed himself a deity. All were his children. They lost a couple neighbor’s and a grandma from the grocery store before Rick figured it all out. 

 

The rest of their time spent together was exclusively catching up on interdimensional tv and pigging out in their underwear on the couch. Jerry decided some time outside would be good for him, so he booked a cabin in the Rockies and stayed there. After a few days, a very frustrated Beth put yellow hazard tape around the couch for disposal and ordered a new one online before packing her things and driving up to join Jerry. 

 

It was 5 am when Rick kicked open Morty's door on Friday morning. Christmas morning. Only two days left before he had to head back to college. 

 

“Morty! This is big, Morty! The world is in danger. Wake up you little shit.”

 

“Oh- ow my fucking head. God Rick, what...can’t the world wait till 9, or at least let me have some coffee first.” Morty groaned. 

 

“Oh, I am so sorry. I didn’t know you were such a sensitive bitch now, Morty. Yeah, by all means. It is only an invasion. They are great big testicle monsters with twenty eyes and their main nutrition is the human brain, Morty. Hundreds of them! They get off on it Morty, like an aphrodisiac- we are the chocolate of their existence, Morty. “ 

 

“Aw Jeez, what do we do Rick? I have- I have so much to live for still. I haven’t even been snorkeling yet!"

“That is terrible, Morty! Everyone should go snorkeling once in their life! I, if we live through this, I’ll take you to a planet were snorkeling is the best in the universe. Remember never go deeper than four feet on that planet though, C-cuz if you do they have this rule, that if you do, you are defying their existence. You are basically giving them the bird, Morty. “

 

“Riiiick! The invasion!”

 

“Huh? Oh yeah. Ok, I have a plan, Morty. You aren’t going to like it though.”

 

“I never do, Rick.”

 

“I know, Morty. No-Now strip. I have to use you as bait.” 

 

“They just want my brain though right? Why do I have to be naked? It's Christmas. It’s snowing… can’t I keep my clothes?”

 

“This step is vital, Morty. I didn’t want to mention it before, but they like penis too Morty. You have to show them your penis, Morty. Better if you can wank it in front of them. The- the harder it is, the better this will work.”

 

“Oh-oh I can’t do that! Rick! I can’t-”

 

“Don’t tell me your shy Morty! Don’t be the dweeb, a- a cunt, Morty. Be the savior of humanity, Morty. Go blow your load on a testicle monster, Morty, so I can destroy them.”

 

“No, Rick, I mean I really have a problem here, I haven’t been able to-”

 

“God damn it, Morty, just- just… here. Use this magazine, Morty. Now get your ass outside before we are enslaved an-and forced into reproduction for these creatures so they can bite off our dicks. I like my dick, Morty.” Rick screamed at him as he ripped his clothes off, handed him a walkie- talkie, and shoved him out the door. 

 

Fuck it was cold. 

 

He could see the ships, the monsters were already slugging their way around the street. They really were just testicles with twenty eyes, no legs. They propelled themselves by bouncing one nut in front of the other. Morty ran as fast as he could to main street. 

 

“Here! Over here! You bunch of ugly ass, dick eating, hairy nut sacks!” Morty called. It was working hundreds of eyes turned toward him and began squelching their way to him. Damn it! They had teeth. Oh god. Rows and rows of teeth! 

 

Lord let his dick not get chewed off by these demonic dangly-bit fucks. 

Taking a deep breath, he climbed on top of a pet store roof and grabbed his wang. 

 

“Y-yeah this is what you want? Want this here? Right here? Come get my load you, fuck- fuckers!” 

 

Stroking hard and fast, Morty desperately tried to make himself ready. The bean bag monsters were using their teeth to climb up toward him. He closed this eyes tightly. Jessica Alba. Monica Bellucci. Jennifer Lawrence. Megan Fox...Morgan...Jessica...Tiffany… anybody...please. 

 

Nothing was working. It was too cold, and his life was at stake. 

 

“Rick…” Morty frantically spoke into the walkie-talkie. “It’s not working Rick. My dick is broken. I can’t get it up. I haven’t been able to get it up in so long.” 

 

“Morty what? Mention this before I send you out to save the world with your dick, Morty!”

 

“I tried, you, you, you wouldn’t listen, Rick!” Morty cried. “What do I do? What do I do? The monsters are leaving!” 

 

“God, Jesus C-Christ. Morty you HAVE to do this. Do whatever you need to do. Pull out your phone. I mean you don’t have your phone, but ha- you have to imagine it, Morty. Acrotomophilia. Coprophilla. Bukaki, Morty. Anything… anything you want.”

 

“Nothing is working!” 

 

“Damn it. Morty… the world is at stake here! Can’t you- do you understand the severity of this? We, we are all going to die!” 

 

“I have tried everything!” 

 

Not everything a dark something whispered in the back of Morty’s mind. 

 

“No… not that….” Morty whispered. 

 

“What!?” Rick’s voice crackled through the speaker. “Do you have something?” 

 

Morty looked at all the people getting their brains sucked out through their nostrils. The wailing and screams were terrible. 

 

“I...maybe, I might have something. I don’t know though...I never...I’ve never…” Morty fumbled.

 

“Do it, Morty. I don’t care. Just do it!” 

 

Morty stood tall and took his dick in his hand. Some of the family-jewel monsters stopped to look at him. 

 

Ok, let's do this. He thought of Grandpa Rick... and suddenly life stirred down below. Oh god… what have I become… Morty thought. 

 

“I-Its working!” Morty said into the device just so he could hear the object of his fantasies say “Good job, Morty! Keep it coming. More, Morty. I- You got to give me, More!”

 

“Oh….Oh….Yes…” 

 

“Morty this is not enough, I am serious, we only have minutes here!” 

 

“Rick… you…oh god…. You have to say my name, Rick.”

 

“What?” 

 

“Say my name, Rick.” 

 

“Me? You’re picturing me!? God that is sick, Morty.” 

 

‘Please, Rick!” Morty begged. Then softer, knowing he could appeal to his grandfather better if he wasn't yelling. “Please...I-I need you. I need your help to-to do this. I need you, Rick. Please….”

 

“...”

 

“...” 

 

“...Morty…” Rick said. 

 

It was...god… it was everything. Everything he had ever imagined. Rick's voice so deep, so soft. Full of desire. Something very few people go to hear Morty imagined. “Yeah...yes...again. I have to hear it again...please!” Morty asked.

 

“Morty….Morty….” Rick said again. Just as good. No, better than the first time. 

 

"… "

 

“Hey, Morty?”

 

“Yes, Rick?” Morty stroked long and slow. His nerves were on fire. Tingling, oversensitive and overstimulated. If just Rick’s vocal chords could do this to him...god...what could his fingers do? What could his b-body do?

 

“You’re doing great, Morty. A little more…” Rick breathed. There was a little moment of pause, but Morty could tell he still had the button pressed down because he could hear his breathing, cool and a little ragged. “Morty….give me everything you got. Give it to me, Morty. Come for me. Only for me, Morty.” 

 

Oh fuck. It was too much, Rick begging him. Morty came. 

 

A blue pulse zapped through the town. The monsters grew twice their original size and exploded. Some veiny goop got on Morty’s shoulder. He scampered down the side of the building, burning with his shame, his body flushed with it, even the cold air couldn't cool him. He could never go home now, he knew. He had ruined everything...for good. 

Trying not to hyperventilate, he ran the opposite direction from everything he had ever wanted.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this was so much fun to write! Sorry for any mistakes you may see, I got a late start, but I hope you all like it. As always, I thrive on Kudos and Comments! I should be ending this story within the next two chapters! I know it a really slow burn with Rick and Morty. It's coming, I promise.... they are just so fucking stubborn. Love you fuckers!

Chapter 4

 

Morty always kept funds placed around town in different spots. You never know when Rick was going to leave him stranded, maimed, or passed out drunk in the streets with no way home. He hopped on bus number 118 and ignored the wide range of outraged and offended stares. Then he bought himself some things. Clothes, a phone, a rental bike, and a new favorite shirt. It was black, like his soul. ...And for kicks, because if you couldn’t laugh at yourself when you find out you have a sexual attraction to a mad scientist who is also thrice your age and your Grandfather- what was the point in life, he grabbed a coat that said ‘Go White America! Yeah, I said it. Fuck it, I am going to hell anyway.’

 

Petaling sixty miles on Christmas really sucked. His phone pinged with a text from Rick. “Where the fuck are you, Morty?” He shouldn’t have been surprised that Rick already had his new number...hell, Rick probably had him tagged like a pet in his sleep or something. 

 

He couldn’t do, couldn’t handle this right now. Morty shut his phone off and kept pedaling. 

 

***

 

“Hey, dawg. Man wake up! It is time for class.” Jeffery said, shaking his shoulder. 

 

“Just leave him… he has been like that since he got back.” Morgan replied for Morty. “Want to walk me to class, handsome?” 

 

“Sure. Yeah, baby. See you, Morty.” Jeffery said.

 

“Bye, Morty,” Morgan said, her voice full of a sympathy he didn’t think her capable of. She had really surprised him. They had ended it, whatever it was, pretty quickly after he returned, but she was just there for him. Keeping him fed. Keeping him sane. 

 

The door snapped shut. Final. The end. Morty didn’t move. 

 

**** 

 

**Beep** “...”

 

** Beep ** “Heard you’re back! What the fuck man? A bicycle? You are one crazy fucker! Party tonight at my place, awww yeah!”

 

**Beep** “Hey sport, last weekend was probably the most relaxing time I have had in a long long time with your Mother. Y-you think we could do it again...soon? Rick….he...he has been doing nothing except staring at me menacingly for two days straight. Even when I am in the shower…”

 

**Beep** “...”

 

**Beep** “Honey, please, we are begging you… talk to Dad. Take him out for the weekends at least. I need a break and Jerry has been in intensive care three times this month. We can buy you a car. We can pay you. We will buy you….weed?” 

 

**Beep** “...”

 

**Beep** “Oh my god, Grandpa Rick is psychotic! What did you fucking do, Morty!? He threw a fucking iron cast skillet at me when I asked how you were doing! He pulled it out of the OVEN, Morty, it burned through my favorite top! ” 

 

**Beep** “....”

 

**Beep** “* glass shattering* Jerry’s soft sniveling sobbing noises.* “H-help me. Help me.” 

 

**Beep** “....”

 

**Beep** Hello Mr. Smith, this is Janice Williams from NASA. I am the head ground commander of top secret deep space project set to launch this week... do the words “You are a dip-ass, Morty.” mean anything to you? We found it written in some sort of foreign goo on our shuttle this morning.”

 

**Beep** “....”

 

**Beep** “..-OUGGGGH-..”

 

**Beep** “ Hey man! Biiiiiig party tonight! I know you missed the last eighteen parties, but whos counting, but you can’t do that this time. Can’t wait to see you there!”

 

Morty checked his voice messages for the first time in three months, then tossed it on the bed. He could care less what Rick did. It wasn’t his problem. The last week he had been feeling more like himself. Tonight, Morty was going to get more fucked up than he had ever been before and he wasn’t going to let the haunting memory of Rick Sanchez whispering his name get in the way. 

 

“Hey Jeffery. Y-yeah man, I am good. Hey listen, so I want to do something differ- bi- something totally different and awesome tonight. Put the word out- a thousand dollars down for anyone who can out drink me. No limit. ” Morty said, then he hung up, not giving Jeffery a chance to answer. Grabbing his water jug, he began chugging. Hydration was an important part of not passing out. 

 

****

 

The party wound up being at a small high school football stadium three towns away because everyone who was anyone was there. The stands were almost packed. No less than one hundred people wanted in on this, and Morty was just fine with that. 

 

“Aw jeez, Jeffery...is this even legal…?” Morty asked as they, Morgan, and the new girl on Morty’s arm, Alex, walked across the turf toward nearly twenty coolers and a large beer pong set up. 

 

“Not to worry my man, we decided to charge a ten dollar buy-in. Your legendary drinking skills have made us a bunch of cash, we paid off the ground rental and almost doubled the reward!” Jeffrey replied.

 

Alex giggled like a school-girl, twisting a strand of faded purple hair around one finger. “You’re so popular! It’s a good thing I am here. Have to let the girls know you are- All. Mine. “ She whispered the last two words to him and Morty fought to roll his eyes. 

 

“Yeah, yep. Y-you do that, uh, babe.” Morty said placing an arm around her shoulder. 

 

Morgan caught his gaze and narrowed her eyes. He shrugged and raised an eyebrow as if to say, what? She dropped her head down to look at her shoes, like he had really hurt her. Morty didn’t know… maybe he had…

 

Waump. Waump. Wa-Wa-Wa-Waump. The music pounded through the ground and up against Morty’s teeth as they approached the beer-pong table. A ring of nearly two hundred people surrounded it and more were pouring in. Jeffrey jumped up on the table and started cracking jokes about college, giving a rather great speech about getting fucked up, and giving a shout out to Morty, ‘the man who made all this possible.’ Jeffery said, holding a hand out to him. Morty took it and pulled Jeffery in for a hug, “T-thanks, dawg, but ya’ know, you did all the-- you did all this.” 

 

Jeffrey just winked and held out the microphone toward him. Morty looked at it for a minute, then grabbed it. He was tired. He didn’t want to talk, he just wanted to drink, but he also didn’t want to disappoint all these people. So Morty kept it short, “Hell yeah, thanks, Jeffrey. I am going to go all out tonight, get, get, ready! The first person takes the prize, first p-person who can make me pass out, gets the money.”

 

“Yeah, baby!” Alex shouted.

 

“Hah, thanks! B-babe.” Morty said to humor her. “Th-that’s my girl right- right- over there. I am going to-to do her SO hard tonight!” Morty yelled. Everyone cheered. Everyone except Morgan. She scoffed and walked to the cooler to grab a beer, then back to jump on the table, ass jiggling in a way that made Morty almost give an appreciative growl, and shoved it into Morty’s chest. 

 

“Get over yourself, asshole,” Morgan said.

Taken aback, Morty blinked at her. She narrowed her eyes again before jumping off the table, leaving him alone on it and joining Jeffrey. 

 

“Ok guys let’s do this, who’s first?” Jeffery said and several people stepped forward. Morgan eyed them up and down and picked a rough biker looking type with a skull tattoo where his hair should have been. Everyone clapped as he joined Morty on the table. 

 

“Hey m-man, name- what’s your name?” Morty asked.

 

“Skulker.”

 

“Wow. Well, Ok, that’s, uh, bad ass. Ok , you ready?”

 

“I eat boys like you for breakfast.” 

 

“Alright, Jesus.”

 

Pop. Pop. Went the beer taps. 

 

Jeffrey started counting backward into the microphone. “ Three, Two, On-”

 

They never got a chance to start. 

 

A flash of green. Then… “ WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUBBB! A-Alright you bu-OUGH-ch of cunts, where is money? Where is the loser that has m-my mone-- Morty!?” 

 

“Grandpa Rick!? W-what the hell are you doing here!” 

 

Noob Noob came in right behind Rick and the portal shut down with a BZZZEEEUUU sound. “Ohhhhhh, GOD DAMMMMN!” He said with a grin. Without looking away from Morty, Rick pulled out his laser pistol and shot Noob Noob. 

 

Noob Noob fell and started coughing up blood. “O-oh….g-god-d d-d-damn…” 

 

Everybody ignored him.

 

“A guy uptown sa-OUGH-id, said this was the place to be. Money Morty, a prize Morty, I win by default, where is it?” 

 

“Get out of here, Rick. This is my party, y-you don't belong here.” 

 

“Fuck you, Morty. I ca-can go anywhere I fucking please, Morty. Your party, my, my, my ass, Morty. I own the universe, Morty.” 

 

“This is my contest, Rick. I am the one to out-drink, to be out-drunk, I am the one to beat, Rick. My contest, my rules. You can’t participate.” 

 

“Oh shit, th-this is going be easy. I am going fi-OUGH-rst, first.” Rick said, pushing past people.

 

Collectively the crowd began to part for him. Damn it! Morty thought. Why? Why did he have t-that effect on people? His hands began to sweat. 

 

Jeffrey stepped in Rick’s way as he was about to step up on the table. “Sorry my man, you heard Morty. You can’t play.” 

 

Morty’s eyebrows rose. What a good friend.

 

Rick fished a handful of one dollar bills out of his lab coat and sprinkled them in front of Jeffrey, then he placed a hand on Jeffrey’s shoulder. “Get out of my way son.” 

 

A shiver slipped down Morty’s spine. Rick’s voice, it promised so much….so much pain. Morty had never heard his Grandpa talk like that before. 

 

“It, its fine. If that asshole thinks he can win, let him through. I’ll d-do it. He needs to be knocked down, ya’ know, down a few notches.” Morty said angrily. He’d make Rick regret threatening Jeffrey. 

 

Slowly Morgan strode forward, grabbed Jeffrey’s arm, and tugged him gently back into the crowd. 

 

Rick looked up to Morty. Morty glared at him. Rick broke contact quickly and walked over to kick one of the coolers. 

 

“W-what the shit, the fuck is this piss water, Morty.” 

 

“I’ll drink whatever you got, Rick.”

 

“Oh, I got something for you to drink.” Rick chuckled darkly. 

 

Morty blinked. Did he just…? Nah. Weird...

 

“Ye-yeah, um, so...let’s do this,” Morty said. Rick stumbled upward onto the pong table. It was a pretty sorry sight to watch. Morty put his head into one of his sweaty palms. 

 

“Yo-you’re too OLD for this, Rick.” Morty lied. “Just cut your losses.”

 

“You w-wish Morty. Hang on, Morty. I have to prepare, I have to do something. Real quick.” 

 

“Aw Jeez, Rick. What now?”

 

Rick held a finger right up to Morty’s face. Morty smacked it away. Ignoring it, with his other hand, Rick put two fingers way back deep into his throat and heaved. The crowd make a sound of disgust and backed away as he vomited. 

 

In his booze riddled vomit, a familiar blocky metal character righted itself and wheeled away.

 

“Butter-bot?” Morty said.

 

The bot halted, looked up at him and lifted his arms. “Kill. Me.” It begged. 

 

“R-re-pr-OUGH-programmed him, I gave him a new purpose. He is responsible for repairing organs, Morty.” 

 

“A...aw jeez. Oh god.”

 

“Yep. You’re looking at a man with a new liver, Morty. You really don’t want to know how I got him in my body, Morty. It- It was pretty painful- you see I-”

 

“That’s ok, Rick. I really don’t want to-”

 

“I had to shove him up my rectum, Morty. W-way WAY up my butt-hole, Morty.”

 

“Yeah great, Rick. Ca-can we do this now, please.” 

 

“Sur-Whatever.” 

 

“What are we drinking?” Morty asked.

 

“What do y-you think, dummy?” Rick responded. He opened another portal, walked in, and returned with an armful of flasks.

 

“Oh my god, Rick!” 

 

“Yeah….I, I, I have been kind of getting carried away….You-you know, la-OUGH-tely. Recently.” 

 

Morty looked from the shining flasks to his Grandpa’s face, which was paler than usual. The under-flesh of his eyes were dark grey. “Rick...hey….are you ok?”

 

Rick’s unibrow scrunched down hard. “What the fuck do you care, Morty.”  
“...”

 

“...”

 

“Yeah, you’re right, Rick. I don’t.”

 

Rick dropped the flasks, they clattered loudly on the table. He stepped in real close and poked Morty’s chest hard with one finger. “Y-Yeeeeah, we both know how much you care, don’t we Morty?” 

 

Morty flushed. He felt sweat threaten to drip into his eyes. He couldn’t pull away from those eyes, they had him captured, they were trying to tell him something. What the hell did Rick want from him? 

 

Morty back-petaled a few steps, stopped, and then bent down to grab a flask. He twisted the top with jerky motions and tipped his head back. He guzzled it. It burned way back in his throat. When he finished, Morty tossed it, harder than he meant to, aside, and wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve. 

 

Tentative and unsure, the crowd let out a pathetic cheer, almost as if it was crushed under the intensity of what was going on, even if they didn’t know what it was. Morty was suddenly aware of their presence again. Rick flinched and then seemed to pull himself together as well, relaxing his shoulders. Tall. In control. He grabbed a flask and followed suit. 

 

“Alex, baby, come up here. Grab me another will you?” Morty said in his most seductive voice.

 

Alex was an oblivious girl. She bobbed up and down in delight. “Ok, pumpkin-pie.” 

 

“Ew.” Rick said.

 

Morty cleared his throat uncomfortably but kept it cool. Alex handed him another, then melted into his side like she belonged there. Morty drank it and then kissed her shoulder. 

 

Rick drank three flasks in quick succession. 

 

**14 Flasks Later**

 

“-An-And then on the last ball- fondlers they invaded the f-fucking white house, Morty.”

 

“Oh m-man, that’s cool Ri-OUG-ck!”

 

“Oh ho ho!! Morty, a- ah old chip off the ol' bl-OUGH-ck”

 

**Two portal trips for more flasks later**

 

“She-she left me, Morty. Unity. God, I, I, I loved her, Morty. I really loved her. I mean, yeah I loved your grandma, Morty. You never met her, Morty. B-but Unity, she, wow, she was something else.” 

 

“I-totally...I understand -I get you, Rick.”

 

“I know you do, M-morty. OUGH. I know you do.” 

 

** A total of 107 flasks later** 

 

The crowd, long forgotten by the two competitors stares with eyes--and jaws, wide open. The sight is almost more than what they can bear. Both are sweating profusely, Morty has already tossed his cookies on the ground twice.

 

Noob Noob, using only his hands to shuffle him along, made it to the front of the crowd and stole Rick’s portal gun, then created an exit for himself to the nearest advanced alien medical facility.

 

Morgan and Jeffrey left two hours ago to shag...the dynamic of Rick and Morty was just too much for them to handle...

Alex is sobbing on the grass several feet away because Rick had pushed her off the table and broke her arm in the process. Rick has Morty in a headlock. Morty is biting Rick’s bad leg as hard he can. Both take breaks in their physical abuse only because of Squanchy and Bird-person, called by Rick thirty minutes before, forcibly pulled them apart so they just scream at each other from opposite sides of the table. 

 

“--Why do you have-- You little shit--- to be such---I told you destroying--- a total asshole rick ---was an accident, Morty---with your fucking asshole s-self Rick, e-e-everything is your fau---helped you bury the body, Morty!--- Everything, it’s all your fault---Oh, Oh yeah Morty, chalk it all up to my fault again, Morty!--- You act like a god, Rick, but you are really---I get it, Morty, being inferior to me is no fun--- just a piece of shit. A piece of shit covered, shit stained, piece of shit Rick. ---But at least I don’t think my of my Grandpa while--- HEY! YOU, don't you bring that up here, Rick, in front of these all these p-people, Rick!-- Whe-OUGH-re, Where am I supposed to bring it up, Morty!? You fucking bailed on me Morty, You---Can’t talk about BAILING, Rick.---Oh here we go again---Running away from all your problems you’ve ever faced, Rick--- well then I, I guess that makes two of us HUH? Morty??---Don’t have to take this shit from you, Rick.---Good riddance, you little bitch!---I'm done, Rick--Not going to sit here and listen to this bullshit, Morty. --- 

 

“I don't need you, Rick!”  
“I don't need you, Morty!” 

 

Everything fades to black. 

 

****

 

It was midnight….one half a year after “the incident”. 

 

Morty had said all he needed to say that night. He guessed his Grandfather had as well. Rick stopped harassing Jerry, ya’ know….for the most part. Morty resumed going to classes and he had a very successful on and off relationship with Morgan. Most days they could pretend that nothing ever happened between them. No more voicemails. No more dirty thoughts. 

 

Things were just….boring. Or so Morty thought.

 

Morty was sleeping peacefully, snuggled under the sheets, surrounded by no less than twenty beer bottles, just a light nightcap before bed. 

 

Then, a zap of green. 

 

“Waaaaahhuahhhhh--” Morty shrieks awake as a rough hand grabs his foot. Along with the hand are giant red tentacles protruding from the portal. 

 

Rick’s head popped through. “Ahh! I am going to die, Morty! Help! Help! I-I can’t do this without you, Morty! The Morgenflarfs are a hardy race, Morty! I am not in control of this, adventure I--”

 

“Ah! No Rick, n-no! Don’t! Stop pulling me.” 

 

“You gotta do this, Morty, the Universe is at-”

 

“I don’t care, Rick! I have calculus in the m-morning and I, I’m not doing so hot.”

 

“Calculus...CALCULUS! F-Fuck calculus, Morty!”

 

“Stop pulling me, Rick!”

 

“Move your ass, Morty! These things have already taken over Colorado, Morty! I loved that state, Morty!”

 

“Rick, Oh Whoa OHHH! I can’t do this today, Rick!” 

 

“I-I’ll help you with your- cal-cal-math homework, Morty, I’ll make this up to you, Morty, I promise...” 

 

“Woooooahoooo, No! Rick! NOOOO!” With one last tug, Morty was sucked into the portal. It disappeared.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry, this took an extra day, I wanted to get it just right. Sorry for any mistakes you see! I will probably go back after I finish the next AND FINAL chapter to fix everything and beef it up with more description. Love you all! Leave comments and kudos! Or at least just comments. GIVE ME THE COMMENTS!

Chapter 5

 

“Oh, my Goooooddd! Ohhhwoooah! Oh my GOD RICK!” Morty not so much said, as screamed into his Grandfather’s face. “W-w-w-why are we so high in the air? Why did you do this to me?--”

 

“Calm down, Morty. Just calm-calm- down for a minute. Stay calm.” Rick demanded. He wheezed every third gulping gasp of air. It sounded like he had been in a bar fight with a large well...Morgenflarf. 

 

“You- you- you! Why do you do this to me!?” 

 

“Calm down, Morty!” 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me it had wings, Rick? I don’t want to be here! I just want to have a normal life!” 

 

“Calm down, Morty!”

 

“Aaahhhhhhhh-Ahhhhh! Woahhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh!” 

 

Morty hated heights. Flying in the ship was one thing, but dangling by your arms from the talons of a creature so ugly and terrifying, with seven long, greasy, eye sockets that wiggled around on the top of its wart covered face, was a completely other thing. 

 

“Don’t be such a Jerry, Morty. It’s not going to drop us. It, I, It, It thinks we are its children, Morty.”

 

“That’s pretty fucked up, Rick. “ Morty shrieked. “We look nothing like that thing. What happens when it decides that we aren’t?” 

 

“It won’t...I mean...OUGH...It shouldn’t, Morty, but- you know, but if it does we need to do this: Ouuoooopppppppffffffffftttt Pppffffttthhh” 

 

The Morgenflarf responded by letting out a whooping sound and nuzzling one of its eye sockets next to each of their faces in turn. 

 

“S-See, Morty. We are fine.” 

 

“How do we get down, Rick? I hate this. I just want to go back to bed.” 

 

“I am working on it, Morty, so shut up and let me think.” 

 

They waited mostly in silence after that for their fate. The Morgenflarf wasn’t really doing anything except hovering in the air, It seemed to fall asleep this way and every time Rick or Morty tried to wiggle away or get better leverage, it would wake up open its large slobbery mouth flap and swallow them, pushing the pair quickly along its translucent jello-like GI tract and out it a tight hole under its belly to catch them with its talons again. Rick said that Morgenflarf’s do that to sooth their younglings to sleep. 

 

“Wow...this is so exciting,” Morty said after the twelfth purge. He wiped the slime off this face. The stars were beginning to fade along with the sweet fantasy of Morty returning to his warm comfortable bed. “Any chance you want to tell me about the mean value theorem for integrals?” 

 

“Math Morty? What? The stupid Calculus shit that your inbred college professors teach because they aren’t smart enough to find a better job for themselves, Morty? You’ll never use that in the real world. S-so jus-OUGH-t, just close that stupid hole in your face, Morty. Close it, before I close it for you.” 

 

“Oh no, you promised Rick, you can’t just pull me out of bed anytime you want any, anytime, any more Rick. I have a l-life!” 

 

“Damn it, Morty, you think this is easy!? You little pain in my ass, Morty. I just saved you--just saved your little chicken shit, little pain in the ass, ass just now, Mo-OUGH-rty.” 

 

“How exactly is this saving me, Rick?” 

 

Rick crossed his arms, rolling his eyes up the way he does when he is about to make Morty feel like an ant beneath the shoe of his existence. 

 

“Look down. Do you see that, Morty? That is YOUR college getting run over by Morgenflarf’s greatest nemesis, the Gramflamites. They can kill someone at mach speeds, Morty. Faster than you or I will ever be able to see- nobody can see it coming, Morty. Its impossible. I, I - I may have accidentally let them through earlier when I tried to capture this Morgenflarf. I needed to extract some of its live cerebral cortex tissue, which I was then going to pump with steroids and the universe's natural version of Xanax. The result was going to be the most amazing zit cream. I was trying to help the teenagers of the world Morty. I have been trying to change a- to turn over a new leaf, Morty, not that you even noticed.” 

 

“How can you play the victim right now, Rick? S-So you're saying that everyone I know is dead down there? M-Morgan, Jeffery, my professors? Everyone? The life I had and worked hard to build, slaughtered, because of you? Because of your stupid ego? And because you are so unhappy you have to find new exciting ways to destroy our reality!? Y-You don’t--Do you even care about anyone enough to stop yourself from using every second you have to fundamentally destroy the building blocks of the universe and everyone in it? I have to wonder, Rick, what are you going to do with that big brain of yours when it leaves you stranded and alone in a crumbling multiverse because you’ve eradicated everyone else? Are you gonna use those in-human intelligent neurons to power the first stray floating lepton you pass? Make it into some sub-atomic bomb and kill yourself too, because being alone with yourself is your worst nightmare? Why don’t you save everyone the trouble and just….just…. ” 

 

“Kill myself? Wow...Morty...that’s real harsh.”

 

Morty ground his teeth and began to swing his legs. The Morgenflarf stirred, but otherwise left them be. Swish. Swish. Swish. After a moment of gaining a good arc, he propelled himself up and onto the Morgenflarf’s head. His grandfather was underneath him now, looking up at him in bored interest. “Harsh...well I learned from the best.” Morty said.

 

“Hmm, I guess so…” Rick replied, resting his head on top of one of his balled up fists and gazed out at the rising sun. “ You know...maybe I should…” 

 

“Huh?” 

 

“Y-you know I was really OUGH I was really trying with this zit cream thing...I guess it is just impossible for someone like me to pay for his past in trying to make a better tomorrow. I gave it the ol' college try, it just wasn't enough for you. Have it your way, Morty.” 

 

Rick pulled his laser pistol out and shot off the Morgenflarf’s right talon, the one that was holding him. Rick fell as the Morganflarf recoiled in pain. 

 

“Rick!!” 

 

Heat hammering, he ran a hand through his mangled sleep-static hair. Morty sighed. The Morgenflarf was trying to nurse its wounds and fly away at the same time. Morty needed to think quickly. He wasn't going to let Rick get out of this adventure that easily. Plus, he would be lying if he said he wouldn't feel a little guilty if Rick killed himself because of something Morty said. Maybe Rick was really trying to change, maybe Morty did have some sort of emotional effect of his Grandfather after all. 

 

Morty huffed a short panicky breath, then, grabbing the Morgenflarf’s noodley eyes, Morty grunted and pulled all his weight backward to tip the alien over. Like a shark, it fell asleep and dropped like a great ugly stone toward the ground. Morty flung his arms tight to his side in a diving pose to speed up. 

 

The wind whistled loudly in Morty’s ears, it’s temperature was like a million knives stabbing Morty all over. Rick came into view after a few seconds and Morty grabbed his foot. 

 

“What are you doing, Morty?”

 

“What Rick? I can’t hear, you.” 

 

“What are you DOING, Morty!” Rick shouted.

 

Morty yelled back, it was hard because he was having troubles staying conscious with such drastic elevation drops. “Look, Rick, I am sorry. You-you only get one life, ya’ know, a-an-and if mine is going to get destroyed, well, I wouldn’t it want it destroyed by anyone, but you Rick. You don’t need to make the world a better, a safer, a better place or enslave yourself to a life of mediocrity by working for the greater good, or, ya’ know, within the parameters of most cultured societies laws of decency, in order to make other people happy. You- you, You just need to keep being your cold heartless self, Rick. Your evil, conniving, egotistical, drunken, self. I-I-I am fine, I mean, I am cool with that. I am sorry for yelling at you, a-and blaming everything on you, even though it was you fault Rick, because you know it was all your fault….but, it’s just who you are, Rick. I have accepted that. I understood that a long time ago, Rick. I’m just having a pretty bad day, ya’ know? I think it’s pretty understandable, though, because you killed a bunch of people I care about. Look, all I am trying to say is don’t do it. Don’t end your existence...I wouldn’t know what to do without you, Rick. Life would just be really fucking boring. I don’t want that for me. I don't want that for the world.” 

 

One side of his grandpa's unibrow shot up. “Sheesh, what a cry baby.” Rick said. He pulled out his portal gun and opened a small portal on the street they were supposed to smash into. 

The portal hole closed quickly behind them, but not before a big squelch of the Morgenflarf hitting the pavement, too big to follow them. 

 

Morty followed Rick’s example and ducked and rolled as the world righted itself and they landed on a soft pink grass. His head spun and his shoulder twanged, but it wasn’t dislocated. Rick sat up, belched, and pulled out his flask. He took a long swig. 

 

“Rick...Did you plan that entire thing?”

 

“No, Morty. Well….Y-you know….not, not all of it. Not everything. Not your speech, Morty. That was BEEOUUUGGGH that was pretty sappy. Kinda gay, Morty. Probably….probably like in the top ten gay thing’s I have heard you say. Good job, Morty. Super touch-, super heart-rending, Morty.” 

 

“Great.” Morty said and began to walk off. The three sun’s of this planet looked spongy and the hairy fruit seemed edible. Morty's stomach reminded him that he hadn't had breakfast. Rick rushed to fall into pace with him. 

 

“Come on, lighten up. M-Morty, we aren’t done yet.” 

 

He was so tired. So tired of the games...but as he said before, he wouldn’t have Rick any other way. Sometimes Morty just wished he could get a break from all the bullshit. 

 

“Yeah, ok Rick, what now?” Morty sighed. 

 

“Well with the way Gramflamites reproduce I would say we have a very short window before they have taken over most of America. B-B-OUGH-By my calculations, we have about an hour to get to the garage. Remember that time altering core-processor remote I used on your parents after we got incredibly plastered that one time?”

 

“You mean the one that we spent so long using that it literally fractured our point in reality into sixty different versions of ourselves?”

 

“Y-OUGH-eah thatttsss it. That’s the one. If I use the international space station to alter the signal to stretch around the globe while you tune the frequency to one that only the Gramflamites can detect, then we should be set. It would just be a matter of everyone walking out into their lawn and shooting whatever Gramflamites they see. It’s actually kind of perfect, Gramflamite skin can be used to upgrade our quality of shoe liners. Soft as a baby’s ass, Morty. I need you to go-go get it and flip it on, but only after you tune it, and only after my mark, Morty. If I am not ready, only part of the world is going make it. We only get one shot at this, so don’t blow it.”

 

“N-no, no pressure then, huh?” 

 

“Only no pressure if you have no regard for the continuation of humanity, Morty. Jesus, Morty t-this is serious!” 

 

“O-oh god. Oh geez.” 

 

“That’s more like it. Now go find that remote, Morty.” Rick said zapping a portal behind Morty and shoving him through it with one hand.

 

“...Wait! You didn’t tell me how to tune the--” The portal winked out of sight. “---device… damn it….” 

 

Morty stood up and brushed himself off. The smell of the garage was comforting. He shook the row of flasks sitting on Rick's workbench until he found one that was half full, humming in appreciation as he took a gulp. Then he set to work. 

 

Shuffling through Rick’s boxes for a single remote was like looking for a hymen in a whore-house...for an honest man in congress….for- for- fur on a rattle-snake….Ok, that last one was really sucky, Morty thought. He was close to tearing his hair out. Twice he touched something he was sure could look back at him.

 

Knowing he was not going to find it here, Morty pulled the lever by the garage door and slunk down the stairs to look through Ricks “private things”. Something he really dreaded doing. The darkness engulfed him like an old friend as the door slammed shut with a hiss. 

 

The place was like a maze, rows, and rows filled with boxes and boxes of high-tech junk that was all senseless to him. It went on the entire length of the house, and Morty didn’t doubt for a second that it extended beyond that. 

 

“I hate y-you, you, you asshat, Rick Sanchez.” 

 

“Don’t be so melodramatic, you little shit.” Rick’s voice came statically in his ear.  
“Rick?”

 

“I’m using a holographic frontal lobe communication device I put in your ear while we were falling.”

 

“...when did you--”

 

“That’s not important, Morty, don’t be dumb. Just listen, because I don’t have a lot of time right now. There was a little glitch in the plan, Morty. I got captured by the Glamflamites, they are taking me to their queen. The plan is still going to go like normal though, Morty. Just wait for my signal. I, I, I got to go now, they are taking all my possessions, but that won’t stop me, Morty. Nothing will stop me, ever, Morty, so just keep to your end and do what I told you to do.”

 

“Jesus, Rick. Are you sure this is going to work?--” 

 

When there was no comeback, Morty wrapped his hands around his arms and rubbed. It was really creepy and cold down here. So many glowing ominous lights. 

 

“Argggh! Oh mannn. Th-this is useless I am never going to fucking find---Oh…” Morty said, stopping in front of a well-lit cubby in one of the walls. He had stumbled upon the ‘anything you want’ magnet. Morty remembered trying it out on tons of things, the first being big breasted females, he had learned to not use it on living after that, but it proved quite useful for other things like porn magazines and, ya’ know, socks. 

 

He flipped the ON button and it started up. R-E-M-O-T-E Morty typed in. There were multiple points of rustling sounds from areas around him. 

 

Zoom-swish-plink. Plink. Plink. Plink. 

 

Morty held the magnet up high, having learned long ago that if you didn’t, you were bound to get hit with whatever came flying at it. “Now that is more like it!” He said victoriously. 

 

“Let’s see… Nope...Nope...Nope...Uh....is this a remote to a time controlled bo-bomb? Jesus, Rick...Nope. Ah! Here we go!” Morty exclaimed as he tugged a few other remotes off of a bigger one on the left side of the magnet and tossed them to the ground.

 

Zzzz. ZZZAAATT. Morty looked down between his knees. One of the remotes he had tossed on the hard ground landed on it’s front and a mechanical… something…. beeped in responce from several feet away/ 

 

Click. Clank. Boom. Click. Boom. Click. Clank. Boom. 

 

Funny, Morty thought. Sounds kind of like….footsteps…

 

A metal robot armed with heavy duty weapons stepped out of the shadows and into Morty’s vision. It looked down at the remote and then to Morty and then to the remote before letting out a mechanical laugh. “ Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha. I. Am. Free. Ha. Ha. Ha.--” 

 

“......” Morty grabbed the time remote.

 

Moving was the wrong thing to do. From different compartments in its body, the robot produced several different weapons and aimed them all at Morty. 

 

“Ooooaaaaaahhhhhhh! What the FUUUUUUUUUUUCK, RICCCCCCK!” Morty screamed as he tucked the remote in his shirt and ran away.

 

The robot chased after him, shooting ninja throwing stars out of a machine gun. 

 

****

 

**Twenty Minutes Later** 

 

“I-I am a alive! Oh god. Oh sweet Jesus, thank you. I’ll go to church. I’ll dunk my head under the tub filled with tap water. I’ll eat the cracker and the grape juice. I’ll put the money in the plate for the Pastor to use to get his daughter a new i-phone….J-just please god, let me make it through this, sweet merciful all forgiving deity whom I absolutely believe--- ah...f-fuck it.” 

 

Morty had ended up in a familiar room with the door shut and locked, but he knew it wouldn’t hold for long. Sweating from the exertion of fending off a killer A.I., he looked at his watch, the time window was almost up. Since Rick hadn’t given him a way to communicate, Morty hoped that if he flipped the switch on at the last possible minute, Rick will have figured out the whole space signal by then. 

 

To say Rick liked to make things obscure and difficult to understand was an understatement. The number of buttons and dials on this remote was rick-diculous, Morty laughed pathetically. 

 

If I were a Rick…. Morty thought. 

 

Narrowing his eyes, Morty flipped the remote over on its back and took off the paneling. There was no battery, instead, it had a tiny label that said: “In case of a non-human emergency.” 

 

Yeah, that’s it. Morty flipped the switch.

 

With 20 seconds left, Morty snapped the back in place, flipped it over, and hit the ON button. 

 

He had no way of knowing if it worked or not, but Morty had bigger problems anyway. The robot had found a blowtorch and was almost done cutting a new entrance in. Morty scanned the room for anything he could use to short-circuit the Robots hard-drive. He was in the Morty’s Mind-blower’s Chamber. 

 

Nothing useful then, Morty thought, the helmet didn’t have enough power. 

 

Gritting his teeth, Morty hatched another idea. It was risky, but having been around Rick enough, it just might work. They had some pretty insane luck. 

 

The metal killing machine, at last, pushed through the makeshift door it had made, but Morty was ready. Using as much leverage as he could to kick one of its arm’s as it scrunched to enter through the hole, Morty scampered to grab the blowtorch it dropped in surprise and turned it on the Robot at full blast. The Robot retaliated, but it was too late, Morty aimed for its head until the flame ran out. 

 

Unable to detect where Morty was now, the Robot just began shooting. 

 

Morty jumped on the Robot’s back and began hitting it over the head with the empty can. Bullets rained and ricocheted from every wall. Busting most of the mind-blower crystals, and causing several shrapnels to hit Morty in the shoulder, the hip, and the lower part of the back of his leg. 

 

“Ahh, F-fuck, OW!” Morty cried but held on tight to the robot until it finished firing all of its rounds. Then Morty finished the job, focusing the hits on the bleeping computer chip on the back of its head. When the chip crackled and sizzled, the robot wobbled once, then again, and finally one last time before tumbling downward, sending Morty skidding across the floor. 

 

Morty slammed up against a false panel in the wall, but he only realized it when after a moment, it cracked open to reveal a few crystals. 

 

The label underneath it said, “For my eyes only.” 

 

One, in particular, stood out to Morty, it was under a glass container with black tape across it.

 

Morty looked around the room...all was quiet. 

 

Curious, Morty slowly walked over and picked up the helmet. Something so private? Morty thought he knew everything about Rick. He placed the helmet on his head and walked back over the the wall opening. Deep down, he knew that he probably shouldn’t look at it. He knew that Rick would probably be furious if he found out...but Rick wasn’t going to find out, because Morty was going to just have a quick peek and then put it back. He removed the glass casing with the black tape. 

 

Morty put the crystal into the helmet and the memory zapped into his mind...but it wasn’t just any memory. It was his own memory. 

 

~~~"Morty...Oh shit, Morty. How much of this space weed have you had? There is a limit on that stuff Morty. I think I mentioned that." Rick interrupted.~~~

 

Oh god… Morty thought as he watched the familiar scene play out. This was the night he had blacked out from. The one he couldn’t remember….now he knew why. Rick took it right out his head.

 

~~~"-All because you have some weird attachment to your grandson, making me want- need your approval and praise. When all the while, Rick, you just wanted someone to talk to so you wouldn't blow your brains out.-"

 

"Woah there, Morty. Wh-OAGH-at What are you doing there… w-watch what you're, where you're putting your hands, Morty. Let go of my fucking shirt."

 

"-And another thing. You can't be talking about dying Rick, y-you can't ever die Rick. I'll show you, Rick. 100 years Rick and Morty, Forever, Rick. And oh-OH, I'll go to college and I'll ace whatever class I take. I don't need you to make me feel dumb and weak. I don't need this and I don't need you."

 

"Morty, what are you doing!? Morty, get off of my lap."

 

"-And oh, I will graduate college and come back here and stand next to you and not feel like a child, Rick. I am not a child anymore. Do you realize that, Rick?"

 

"Morty, damn it, what the fuck, M-m-morty, go to your room."

 

"No Rick, I won't. I won't go to my room. Do you want to know why? Because I am an adult. I am an adult and you are an adult. I am not going to my room because I am an adult and I think I am not the only one ya' know, h-here who is, who's- who feels...H-"~~~

 

Morty leaned in as if that would help him get a better grasp on the helmets ability to show him every detail of the memory.

 

~~~“W-Who Who feels what, Morty? What, Morty? Horny Morty? Is, is, is this what you want, Morty?” Rick asked, no longer fighting his grandson off, but embracing him. Pulling him flush against his hips. 

 

Rick was hard. Morty could feel his impressive length stabbing him in the gut, and he could smell the alcohol-space weed cocktail on his breath. His eyes were so mischievous and so dangerous and so so authoritative. Morty couldn’t move even if he wanted to. 

 

“T-This what you want right here, Morty? Grandpa’s package? Well, that is just disgusting! Just sick, Morty….” 

 

“Rick!” 

 

“-- I admit it though, Morty. I have thought of it sometimes too, you know… OUGH. It wasn’t always like this. One day you were an innocent, dorky, family member then the next...I don’t know, Morty. You changed. I- I know you are an adult now, Morty. I am all too aware of that. Every single day, Morty. A-and...but, no, but we have to fight it, Morty. We can’t let ourselves do it, Morty. Because everything ends, Morty. You. Me. Everything. Attachments only bring misery. It is all a chemical reaction, Morty. We can fight this.”

 

“Rick…” 

 

“I know, Morty, and trust me, you don’t know how many times I have wanted to pin you down this summer and-”

 

“--Pin me down, Rick?”

 

“Yeah. Morty. You like that, Morty? Y-you have been getting pretty cocky lately. I want t-to to pin you down, Morty. I want to show you who owns you, Morty. I own everything, Morty. I especially owe you. I killed that Atlantian bitch that you lost your virginity too, Morty. That wasn’t supposed to happen.” 

 

“Oh god! Rick!” 

 

Rick slid a hand up under the back of Morty’s shirt, caressing the ridges along his spine and burying his fingers in Morty’s short curly hair. “Don’t even worry about it, Morty. I’ll….I can take it so slowly, Morty. I can drag this out forever, Morty. You’ll be begging me...an-and I won’t give you anything more than what I know you’re ready for. It’s actually pretty easy, Morty. Human genitalia is so simple compared to some of the ones I have had to crack. I can do things you can’t even begin to dream of- to you, Morty. I know every weak spot the human body has.” 

 

Tightening his grasp, Rick pulled Morty’s head back sharply and began running his teeth at the base of Morty’s throat.~~

 

Morty, back in the chamber, was instantly hard. He dropped to his knees, weak with the sensation of Rick’s every movement. He wanted Rick to show him everything. Right then. Right there. Show him every way he could tear Morty apart. 

 

Then something unexpected happened.

 

~~~“....Rick…..Stop.” 

 

Rick froze. Rick didn't even breathe. He froze...froze like that for a full eternity. Morty’s pulse hammering against his teeth. Rick’s prick halting it’s slow, sensual, grinding movements into Morty's stomach. Rick’s hand entangled roughly around Morty’s head. A strong hold. A commanding hold.

 

“...Morty…?” He breathed, hesitant. The hot air teasing Morty’s sensitive skin. “Morty...what were you going to say, Morty? Earlier...” 

 

“Oh, R-Rick….I was just going to say... I wasn't the only one who feel happy... Ya' know? Happy with our adventures. Happy with our way of life, Rick.” Morty whined. He sounded like he was guilty. He sounded uncomfortable. His body was shaking. 

 

Rick released Morty’s head and Morty, pale from the horror of it all, slowly brought his chin down to meet Rick, eye to eye. 

 

Rick's face was flinty and stoic...like it was made of steel. His eyes, a whirl of emotion. Calculation. Cold. Unforgiving. Angry. 

 

Ashamed. Afraid. 

 

But mostly menacing.

 

“Morty….I am sorry, Morty.” Ricks' voice didn’t sound sorry. He didn't look like he was sorry. 

 

“O-oh..Yeah...No big...ya’ know? i mean its ok...I'm fine...I-It’s ok, it was probably just the drugs talking anyway, Ri--” Morty felt a tiny needle prick in his neck. 

 

“Rick! What...wh-what did you just do?”

 

“I can’t have you knowing this, Morty. I can’t even...I can’t have you remember this. I don’t even want to remember this myself, Morty. I won’t even be able to face you in the morning after this weed wears off, Morty. I can handle a lot of things, Morty. But I can’t let you know that I want you. Morty. Anything, but that. It's just too twisted. This is all Jerry’s fault anyway, Morty. I am sure of it. Somehow.” 

 

“Don't do this...I...I won’t make fun of you for this, Rick.” 

 

“I know you won’t,” Rick said darkly. “Goodbye, Morty.”~~~

 

The helmet shut down hard and Morty, gasping, pulled it off and threw it on the ground like a viper. It skidded to a halt in the middle of the room. Then, suddenly remembering himself, Morty scrambled over to it. "Oh god. Oh god. Oh god."

Good, the crystal was still intact. Morty unscrewed it from the helmet and carefully placed it back in its slot, shutting the panel with a hiss. Rick would not know that Morty knew the truth.

That he had wiped Morty’s memories. That he- he-

 

“He lied,” Morty said. 

 

And Morty was going make him regret it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know it has been a month, sorry. I just needed some time to figure out how to end this. As you can see... this is not the ending. I still have a chapter or two to go, it just keeps coming, so please bear with me. We will make it through this thing together. Promise. As always, I live on comments! I need them to survive. So comment. Comment good. Comment bad. Comment Anything. Love you all.

Chapter 6

And oh, OH! Morty would make him pay, alright. Rick could just hide and watch. And hide, and find out.

The muscles around the crystal shards embedded along the posterior side of his body twanged every time he bent to pick up the ones that weren't. Morty wasn't too upset about the hundreds of memories that he'd never get to view. Once a few years back he had unbeknownst to anyone, snuck into this room without permission from Rick...what did he find out? Some things were better left unseen.

'I'll do it, too. I'll get him.' Morty said out loud as if to convince himself that he could. 'He won't even know what h-hit, what even got him.'

Morty paused.

...But how?

Rick was literally the smartest being in the world. The galaxy. The multiverse! His grandfather would see right through any revenge ploy Morty could come up with.

Morty grabbed a broom and began sweeping up the smaller chunks of crystal.

He supposed he could just call Rick out...tell him that he knew the truth, and snarkily mention it every time he screwed up, but where was the fun in that?And what was to stop Rick from erasing that too? Morty just got the memory back, he didn't want to lose it again. No, the only way to defeat a Rick at anything, was a to make him think that he wanted to lose.

Morty thought and thought and thought some more. Then it hit him. He had it. The silver lining. The whole enchilada. And OH was Rick going to get it.

Morty would just have to seduce Rick.

A portal zapped into existence and Rick walked or rather stumbled, though.

"A-And that's the waaaaaaay the news goes!" Rick yelled." Wooo! Woah...wh-OUGH-at happened here? Nevermind that, O-oh man, Morty, you missed the greatest...the- the best party EVER!."

"A party, Rick? W-what about the gramflamites?"

"Oh yeah-yeah-yeah. So it turns out we didn't need to freeze them or shoot them at all, Morty. We just needed to get them really, really, drunk. Super shit-faced, Morty. I negotiated peace between our two species while we did shots of jager. We shouldn't have any more problems from them...they left to their own planet ages ago."

As Rick spoke Morty noticed he was surveying the room discreetly. Scouring it with a keen eye for all his hiding places. When he landed on the non-existent panel Morty had opened he gazed at it a fraction too long for Morty's comfort.

Was the jig up already? Damn...How did he always do that? Morty was sure he had left it perfect. Wiping his fingerprints off with his shirt and blowing a bit of dust on the edges.

"B-But I already pressed the button, Rick!" Morty said to keep the conversation going, not because it would distract Rick in the slightest, but because he had to act normal.

"Relax, It only re-OUGH-ally had an effect on your stupi- your dumb dog, Morty. Just don't let anyone pet him for l-like an hour. " Rick turned back to him.

"You're hurt."

"Yeah...that- your fucking robot of death almost got me this time Rick. I mean, Jesus, can't you make those things voice activated?"

"Or you could not mess with shit that doesn't bel-OUGH-ng to you."

"O-Or you can tell me exactly where time remotes are instead of making me dig through your creepy dangerous basement full of psychotic-"

"Okay, alright Morty. Damn, just let me take a look."

"N-no it's fine, I can-"

Rick spun him round and shoved him in the seat backward. "Yeah, Yeah, shut up and let grandpa take care of this."

For all of Rick's brash attitude and drunken escapades, Morty was always astonished by his steady, clinical, hands. He fished some tweezers out of one of the drawers, wiped some blue gunk off of them and on Morty's pants and began to pluck out the shards from his shoulder. When he finished with everything he could see, Rick burped out the order: "Strip."

Morty should have known to expect it, but still, he froze.

"Oh, don't be such a dipass, Morty. Just tr-OUGH-y, try not to get your rocks off you sick fuck." Rick said.

Morty forced himself to relax, dropping his shoulders. This was a test. Rick knew Morty would want to shout and holler and scream from the top of a very tall building that Rick wanted Morty too if he knew anything. Morty tried not to grimace at the fact that he was always so readable. So instead, Morty rolled his eyes instead and began peeling his clothes off. " Yeah, y-y-your a real one trick pony, Rick. Can't you come up with something better or is that the only thing you have to throw at me? That was ages ago, Rick, almost a full year. Besides, I am over all that, whatever you want to call it, a crisis or whatever."

"Over it, Morty?" Rick questioned, leaning in to help him carefully unstick some bloody cloth from his skin.

"Yeah, I have a real good thing going with M-Morgan. Or I did until you killed her. You're an ass, you know, a real grade A ass."

"Wh-What do you want, Morty, do you want an apology? Fine. I am sorry I was trying to make bounds in the zit cream field, Morty."

"And…?"

"And for killing your girlfriend."

Morty sighed.

Rick belched.

"Man, now everyone that knew me is dead...I'm a dweeb again."

"When did you stop being one?"

Despite the pain, Morty twisted to punch Rick's shoulder, his grandpa was smirking. Morty couldn't help doing the same. It wasn't a full-on reconcile, but it would have to do.

"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know, maybe online college?"

"Gross."

"Yeah, I know, but the nearest college is another three hours away from where my old one was."

Rick didn't respond, but he paused in his plucking.

"Morty, were you serious, a-about the whole 'over your crisis' thing?"

"Yeah, Rick, you- you don't even have to worry anymore. Everything can just be normal." Morty said.

Tink. Tink. Tink. Went the crystal's after a long moment's pause, falling to the floor as Rick began plucking them out again. "Right, normal...normal…."

'...Let the games begin….' Morty mused.

****One Month Later****

Morty slowly pushed open the garage door to find Rick switching a holographic version of his mom off and on and off again.

"He-OUGH-y, Hey Morty."

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not."

"Oh, O-Ok then. Hey, Grandpa R-Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"How would you feel if-if-I brought a friend with me on our next adventure, Saturday."

"Wh-what a new girlfriend alrea-OUGH-dy, M-morty?"

"Yeah, something like that…"

"It's kinda our th- kinda our thing, Morty."

"I know, but this one is special."

"Ugh, yeah sure whatever, bring your little...what was her name?"

"Jesse."

"Big surprise, yeah bring your little slut Jesse, t-then, but if, OUGH, if she gets killed, it's on you."

"Ah Jeez, you're not going to try and kill Jesse, are you?"

"Wh-OUGH-at what the fuck, Morty. No, Morty. I don't go killing the people you like for the hell of it, Morty."

"Coulda fooled me…"

"Stop, fuck, stop with your little ass-itude, or she can't come." Rick said.

"Fine." Morty said.

Morty closed the door to the garage almost immediately after the word left his lips, he had gotten what he had wanted, and things, while "normal" were still too recent for Morty to be convincing enough to not escape Rick's skeptical gaze. So, he grabbed a snack from the fridge as he passed it and continued out the front door of his parents house.

He had been having an itch to keep up with his health recently. Kind of a kick he had been on and off of for the past year, sometimes he'd hit the gym, sometimes he'd go running, and sometimes, like today, he just took a long slow walk to Jesse Hemirman's ranch, ten miles out of town.

The air was warm, but not sweltering, Morty could hardly believe that the seasons were changing again. He tried to be present, ya' know, mindful, as he walked. That was what all the websites said to do when you started to feel stressed out. And as he hit the last mile marker on the narrow dirt road before the ranch, Morty really started to feel warm under the collar so to speak. Morty noticed every grain of dirt and every pebble and every blade of grass and every cloud. It did nothing to ease his mind.

Today was an important day for him and Jesse, and he didn't want to fuck it up. Today was the day Jesse was going to pop his cherry.

Morty dallied on the driveway and hem-hawed at Jesse's truck and took his time with the steps to his door, which opened as he was thinking real hard about whether to ring the doorbell or knock.

"Morty, this is so painful to watch." Jesse said, making an odd figure as he leaned against the open doorframe, looking like a freaky lumberjack-scientist, with square glasses on his face and piercings all up his left ear, in wranglers and an open plaid shirt. In one hand he pinched a Camel Menthol cigarette and grasped a beaker full of some green liquid in the other. "You sure you want to do this? I ain't in no rush."

Morty could see his chest hair bulking out like the rest of his body, ready to move the wrong, or right way, depending on perspective, and shred all the fabric right off. He didn't know if that was supposed to be appalling or appealing.

"N-no, I, I, I want to do this. Ya, know? I, I, I'm good." Morty said.

"...Right…" Jesse said, unconvinced, but the look in his eye as he scanned Morty suggested that he was going to uphold his end, if that was what Morty wanted.

It wasn't, not really.

Jesse was a cool guy and all, but Morty was really only into this so he could be prepared when the inevitable happened between him and Rick. He had seen Rick's, you know, one-eye'd-trouser-snake and he wouldn't even let that thing near him flaccid without a little prep work first.

So Morty walked in at Jesse's gesture and took a seat on the couch. His boyfriend, Morty mentally cringed, slowly settled beside him, as if afraid any sudden movement would send him back toward the door.

'Who knows, it probably would.' Morty thought.

Over the last week Jesse had been instructing him with toys, it really wasn't all that bad. You couldn't call it pleasurable, but at least he knew it wasn't going to hurt. No, the thought that really had him riled up was doing the deed with another man. Morty wasn't gay, after all, Rick was just a special case. What if Morty got a burst of hormones and punched Jesse in the face or something? His plan would go to shit….

Jesse took a long drag and blew it out slowly, leaning forward to pour some whiskey into a glass and pass it over. Morty accepted and downed it, thought a moment, then grabbed the bottle and started slamming it back.

"Okay...Alright. Easy Morty, Damn it!" Jesse said, tearing the bottle away. " I don't know what you're expecting, but you can just relax, this isn't going to be difficult."

"Y-You're right, sorry. Just a little nervous."

"Well cowboy up, son."

"I'm not tough like you Jesse. I can't just, just,..."

"It's a joke. Man you are really scared outa your wits, huh?"

"I...I am not u-used to being on the bottom, ya' know?"

"I know, but I am not a topper, and you keep saying you need this."

"I do."

"Alright, well, come here. That's it. Sit on my lap, darlin'. We will take this nice and slow…"

***SATURDAY***

"Wh-OUGH-o, who the fuck is this Morty?" Rick said, opening his flask and taking a quick swig.

"Rick, meet Jesse. Jesse, this is my Grandpa Rick."

"Pleasure, Sir." Jesse said in his long drawl, holding out a hand. "I've heard so much about you."

"It's a-all lies, I OUGH I promise you." Rick said.

"No sir, I am just a big fan of your work. I am a scientist too ya' see." Jesse

"Really…" Rick hummed, leaving Jesse's hand dangling in the air, before turning to Morty, one half of his unibrow raised. "What the backward hillbilly shit is this, Morty? You gay now or something?"

"Rick!"

"What is that not the proper term now, Morty? Does fudge-packer work better? You a-a some kinda anal astronaut? A donut muncher? A backdoor bandit? A Jirp-slurper?-"

Morty put his face into his palms. Jesse slowly lowered his hand.

"-A fairy? A muscle mary? A pillow-biter? A turd-terminator? Take your pick, Morty. I-OUGH-I could go on forever."

"How very one-dimensional of you, Rick." Morty sighed, already tired.

"One dimensional? Fuck, Morty, that is low…th-that really hurt."

"Well, then can you try not to insult my boyfriend, Rick?"

"Wow, Boyfriend, now is it? Okay, Morty. Jesus, you're sensitive today, Morty. Need to tell that boyfriend of yours to pound some midol into your-"

"Rick, get in the damn spaceship!"

"Alright, but we had a little change of plans with the mission, Morty."

"Never woulda guessed…"

"Wh-OUGH-at?"

"Nothing."

"We have to go by dimension PRX-12780."

"Rick, what the f-fuck, y-you said we should never, said we shouldn't EVER go there!"

"I know, M-Morty, but listen, you gotta understand we gotta go there today. So if you feel better leaving your l-little boy-toy here..."

"Nice try Rick, Jesse's coming."

"I am?" Jesse asked. Morty realized that he had backed away from them a few paces.

"Yeah, sure. Nothing to worry about, d-doll."

That triggered him just like Morty knew it would. Jesse straightened his shoulders and looking every bit as bulky as Morty knew him to be, strode over to firmly latch a hand in Morty's curls. Jesse yanked his head back, not too tough, not too gentle. "What did I ask you to call me, Morty?"

"Ah...want to let go of my Grandson there, Wal-mart Wolverine?" Rick asked.

Morty heard a little knife in Rick's words and wished he could see his Grandpa's face. Jesse obviously didn't.

"D-do, Ah Jeez, do I have to right now? Ya' know. I-In front of my family?" Morty asked as submissively as he could.

Jesse gripped his hair tighter and really pulled back this time, Morty got a real good look at the demon in Jesse's face. Something about his uncle Joe or something. Morty let out a hiss that he tried to tweak into more of a moan.

"O-ow alright, okay. Want to come with us...B-big...daddy."

Jesse released his clutching at once and began to stroke him instead, his head, his neck, down his back, and further to squeeze the flesh beneath his jeans a moment. "You betcher sweet little ass I do darlin' "

"A-hem."

Both Jesse and Morty turned to find Rick unnervingly close. He had a more pleasant look on his face than what Morty thought was natural. Rick slung an arm around Jesse's shoulder and handed him his flask as he steered him to the spaceship. "You know, you look like a good guy. I think I am going to like you."

"Yeah?" Jesse asked,, kind of confused, but obviously pleased.

"Oh yeah. C-c-OUGH-ould could use some muscle like you on this mission here." Rick said.

"Rick…" Morty said.

"You see, there are these nasty bugs." Rick explained as they all pushed into the ship, Rick and Jesse in front, Morty in the back.

"Bugs?" Jesse said in a vibrato that made Morty nervous. He had never counted on Jesse wanting to impress Rick. He had just wanted to make Rick squirm a little…

"Oh yeah, nothing too terrible, a piece of cake for a large fella like you." Rick said. "We need a bit of a distraction. You know, a left hook here, a black eye there." Rick jabbed the air and then slapped Jesse on the back. "You're just the guy. Morty, h-he's too weak, you know, and I need to grab the essence of a specific type of shadow or my next project won't come through."

"Rick I-I don't think…"

"S-shut your trap, Morty. I said it was no big, Morty. This guy's big enough to take out the entire armada himself, Mo-OUGH-rty." Rick said.

Morty's gut twisted. Yeah this was going to end badly. He tried again. "Jesse you don't have to do this. The thing about Rick is he is usually-"

"Can-it, Morty. If your grandfather needs my help, shoot, I'd be happy too. I'll kick some bug behind, and then we can head home and I can put that lovely mouth of yours to some real work." Jesse said, twisting around to smash his lips warningly into Morty's.

Morty sat back into his seat to break the kiss off, but Jesse just followed, tongue exploring and demanding and harsh. Jesse was big enough to be comfortable stretching over the two rows of seats in the space ship, so Morty gave up and let him do as he pleased, rubbing Morty's face and arms and inner thigh as he whispered what he had in mind for later into his ear.

After a few moments, Morty found himself looking up toward the front, bored with Jesse's unyielding appetite and ministrations. His eyebrows rose. He didn't know weather to worry or celebrate over the look he saw on Rick's reflection as he lit….one of Jesse's cigarettes?

Not weed. Not cocaine. Not PCP. Not heroin. Not some space opiate…..a cigarette.

Morty's body tingled all over, as he watched Rick breathe deep. His unibrow was furrowed hard, his lips were drawn down. Outwardly he seemed pretty calm, but the glint in his eyes said otherwise.

Jesse leaned back up toward the front and Rick's expression changed immediately. Happy. Friendly. Personable. They talked about earth science and wrangling cattle. Rick laughed, he put on some country music, to Jesse's delight, and they got drunk up front. Morty didn't see the glint again the rest of the trip, but something was wrong. Very wrong. He kept silent in the back, whatever was going to happen, he needed his wits to keep them all from dying on this planet. Rick didn't exile planets out of his portal gun for no good reason and all Morty could think of as they pulled up to PRX-12780, and slowly lowered into the toxic grey atmosphere, was that Rick didn't smoke cigarettes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter, but it makes big strides in Rick and Morty's status. I am kind of ho hum about this one. Tell me what you think? I might change it up if you guys feel its lacking something.

The ship descended slowly, clinking and squeaking as it touched down to land in the middle of a barren canyon. No immediate threat in sight, Morty let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, glancing at his Grandfather and Jesse nervously. Rick was definitely planning something, and Morty didn’t want Jesse’s blood on his hands. 

Rick handed them each an oxygen device that suctioned onto their faces, fitting snugly around their nose and mouths.

“Tha-OUGH-t, that will last about three hours, but we should only be here around one,” Rick said and promptly opened the spaceship to let them all out. Gravity was dense on this planet. Morty’s legs felt like bricks. 

“So...shadows, Rick?” Morty asked, wondering if maybe Rick heard how ridiculous that sounded, he’d reconsider. 

“Yeah yeah, we will get to that in a minute, but first we need some equipment out of the trunk. Jesse go grab it will you?” 

“Uh, sure.” 

Morty waited until Jesse was out of earshot before grabbing either side of Rick’s lab coat in his fists and pulling him in close to whisper fervently, “What in the hell, Rick. Why are we here. What are you planning?” 

“Planning Morty?”

“Don’t play stupid, Rick. You are anything but stupid.” 

“Alright Morty, you c-OUGH-aught me, Morty. I am trying to get us all killed.” He whispered back, eyes shifting in mock conspiracy. 

“You don’t expect me to believe that you just all the sudden had an itch to go to an exiled planet, Rick. That this mission had absolutely nothing to do with Jesse?” 

“So, what if it did?”

“I knew it, you are planning something. Trying to kill him.”

“No Morty, not kill him. I am just going to rough him up a bit.“

“Why, Rick? Why?” 

“Because that guy is bad news, Morty. Real bad news. I know his type.” 

“I don’t think that is any of your concern Rick.”

“The fuck it isn't, Morty.”

“Oh Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, I-I mean just look at that guy, Morty. Can you say 11 o clock news? He went all 50 shades of GI Joe on your ass earlier and if that doesn’t raise a red flag, I didn’t raise you right.”

“You didn’t raise me, Rick.”

“Whatever.”

“I just don't understand what you have against good things in my life Rick.”

“Oh Jesus. Not-not this again, Morty. This guy isn't good. The way he called you to heel like some dog...that- that isn’t right Morty... drove me crazy, Morty.”

“It did?”

“Yeah. No. Not like... You know what I mean, Morty. I am a concerned grandparent and as such it is my job to nail that guy's ass into the ground, no pun intended.”

“None taken,” Morty said. “But I like him, you know? He’s not all that bad. Kinda quiet, and yeah sure, I mean, lately he has been a little more possessive.” 

It was Rick’s turn to grab onto Morty’s clothes, his nose was so close that Morty couldn’t look at it without going cross-eyed. “Did he hurt you, Morty.”

“I…” Morty faltered. “No...not really, just a few names and stuff... and-and you know maybe he...maybe the last couple times we… ya' know..” Morty’s face flushed, he didn’t even like admitting what he had done to himself, much less Rick. “ Jesse had started off all gentle, ya know? At first... but lately, he has been a little more demanding.“ 

“Like how?”

Morty burned. “Oh, nothing big… ya’ know...just small things. Tieing me up and w-whips and stuff.” 

Rick’s eyes took on that dangerous glint again, he didn’t bother hiding it. Seeing it up close made Morty’s knees go weak. He recovered after a moment and spluttered out. “But...but isn’t that just how it is, Rick? Isn’t that how a top is supposed to be with a bottom?” Morty’s voice was a few octaves higher than it should have been.

Rick took a breath and set Morty back down, backing up to the side of the ship and sliding down to a sitting position. He put one hand over his eyes and tilted his head back, rubbing them as if he had a terrible headache. “No, Morty. No. Top, Bottom, Middle, Left, Right, whatever you guys have going on, it-it-it doesn’t matter. No one has the right to hurt you or do anything you don’t want to do…you should know that, Morty. That is elementary shit, Morty.”

“Sorry, Rick...I just… I had never… with a man before… you know?” 

Rick clutched his heart as if it were bothering him.

Rick’s voice dropped to a low flat tone. “I understand, Morty. I know that and Jesse should have too...but he didn’t. And for that, Morty. For that, I am going to make him--”

“Hey, is this what you was looking for, Mr. Rick? You’re packin’ some pretty impressive heat here, sir. Expecting a little more than bugs?” 

Rick couldn’t quite suppress the venom as he said. “No no, it’s just a precaution, Jess buddy. Nothing to worry about. Come on, we have a good few miles to cover before I can get my shadow essence.“ 

Jesse shrugged, grabbed an AK, and started walking. Morty hung back a few feet with Rick.

His Grandfather began pulling guns and grenades and rifles from a duffle-bag. “Rick…y-you don’t have to do this. We can just go home and forget about it all. I won’t talk to him anymore…I’ll find someone else...”

Rick shoved a semi-automatic into his chest hard enough to knock the wind out of him. “No, Morty. I am not letting him leave this planet.” 

“Oh jeez, oh no, Riiiick…” 

“Yeah Morty, I am going to kill him. He is gonna suffer for what he did. A-and you better keep your mouth shut about it, Morty. He deserves this.” 

“No, he doesn’t Rick, he's just a creep...come on...don’t kill him.”

“You can’t talk me out of this, Morty.”

“This is really none of your business anyway, Rick!” Morty said louder this time, his voice scaling to anger. He may not have any real feelings for Jesse, but he didn’t want to see him get blown up, or shot, or…

THUD. THUD. THUD.

Or eaten…

“What in the sam hill was that?” Jesse asked, spinning around with his AK drawn up to his bulky shoulder. 

“That would be the bugs. Don’t worry,” Rick said again, smoothly. “They aren’t giants or anything, maybe only four to five feet tall. Th-they they just have the metric density of about thr-OUGH-ee elephants. Y-you’re going to want to shoot from a distance. If they accidentally step on you...yeesh...” Rick shivered for visual effect. “Okay Morty, let's go.”

“Now wait a minute,” Jesse said, coming to a halt. “I thought Morty was going to be with me. I can take care of these bugs no problem, then while you’re chasing your shadow or what have you, we can have a little alone time…” He winked at Morty. “Betcha ain’t never had Hankey Pankey on a different planet before, eh, Morty?” 

“Um...Actually I…”

“Y-y-OUGH-eah sorry buddy, but Morty sticks with me this time. He is the only one small enough to fit into one of the weed roots here to grab the Moliscat shadow. Just get you some bugs.” 

“Oh...well alright then, if you say so, Mr. Rick.” 

“I say so. Meet us back at the ship in about an hour and a half.” Rick replied, slapping him on the back once more before forcefully pushing Morty in a different direction. 

*************

“ I dunno Rick, I have a bad feeling about all of this. You think Jesse is alright?” Morty asked for the eighth time since they left. The terrain was the same and different. They were still in the canyon, but the smog in the air was thicker and the ground was covered in gigantic tree stubs and 

“Who cares? Fuck, f-for fuck’s sake will you shut up about him, Morty? I am trying to scan for a thermopaptapic root, Morty. It is an anomaly that is rare even in this place. I-It takes a lot of concentration... and silence.” 

“Thermopaptapic? I don’t know, Rick, that sounds kind of made up.” 

“What do you know you little shit?”

“Your right, Rick. As always.” Morty said.

“Damn straight,” Rick said. 

They continued quietly for another mile or so and Morty tried to relax. Jesse would be fine. Rick was surely just playing around. Maybe he was right though, Jesse was no good. He should really be focusing on Rick anyway, now that he knew the basics. 

Morty had really been trying over the last week to get Rick’s attention without also gaining any skepticism. It was harder than it looked. Morty wasn’t exactly what you’d call subtle, if Morty liked someone, you would pretty much know it by the cheesy handwritten notes and god awful one liners. Luckily, all it really took to get Rick’s attention was to tell him how great he was. However, even that didn’t seem to get Rick flowing the right way. He had tried changing up his clothes and using a different cologne. Morty knew Rick didn’t care about those things, but it wasn’t like he had many options. 

Morty took a quick glance around and then back to his Grandfather’s tall straight back. They were completely alone, without the eyes of their family and weight of social pressures to burden them. It was now or never to kick it up a notch. If he never did, nothing would progress with him and his Grandfather. As it was, they had gone nearly two years without even admitting to themselves their feelings for one another. 

He waited until Rick’s back was turned before throwing himself to the ground, hard. 

“Ow! Oh fuck. Oh Jeez.” 

Rick barely shifted a hair toward him. “Clutz. Hurry up. I think I found the perfect root. I need you to crawl in. It will be a tight fit, but I think you can do it, Morty. Just think thin thoughts. Morty.” 

Morty hissed in as he tried to stand. Fuck... he had actually fucked something up. Leave it to a Morty to get the job done, amiright? “A-ah, you know Rick, I-I think my ankle is all twisted. Maybe broken. I don’t know if I can walk any farther.”

“Well then crawl you little shit, I didn’t come all this way so you could pussy out on me. ‘Ow… oh jeez...I fell and broke my ankle, Rick’ Don’t give me that bullshit, Morty. I’ve watched you take a Zermamnathon laser bullet and keep playing “Roy: Return of Roy” so you could win a bet against for free ice-cream on my expense. Which...if I remember correctly and correct me if I am wrong, Morty. You lost.” 

“I had just taken a fucking bullet, Rick, what did you expect?” 

“I expect you to get back up on those two noodly prongs you call legs and squeeze into this tiny hole to grab that shadow.” 

Damn this man was more difficult to crack than a Cromulon force-field. 

 

Well, he had tried...Morty guessed that was all he could do. Maybe Rick just wasn’t someone who wanted to show off. Maybe he didn’t like the whole ‘rescue me’ bit. What would it take to get him to make a move on Morty first?

One feeble limp at a time, he made his way over to where Rick was standing. 

“Atta boy, now g-get in there. OUGH.” Rick said, pointing down to fleshy tube sprouting from the ground. 

Morty narrowed his eyes. “Way to not mention this thing is slimy, and ALIVE, Rick. You you you KNOW I hate slimy things.”

Unibrow pressed down, Rick handed Morty a syringe and pointed threateningly to the root hole. After a moment more of bitching, Morty began to squeeze in. 

“Uuuu...Ohhh. Gross. Oh GROSS. It feels like I am wiggling up a fallopian tube, Rick. A-and I have a frame of reference because of that one time you shrunk me down and put me one of my mom’s vitality pills and told me to block up her vag antennas because you would blow up the planet if she had another kid with my dad. “

“That’s great, Morty. Hurry up, I hear some of those bugs heading our way. What you are look-OUGH-ing for is a large hairy bump in the tube. Once you find it, poke the syringe into its shadowed side and pull out at least 20 CC’s.”

“I-I am not seeing anything like that here, Rick, are you sure this is the right one?” 

“I am a genius, Morty.” 

“I know, Rick.” 

“F-fuck they are too close to run away now Morty. We are going to have to scrunch together, Morty. Make room, I-I am coming in.” 

“There is no room, Rick. OW!” 

“Move Morty!”

“There is nowhere TO move Rick. Ow! Stop!” 

THUD. THUD. THUD.

“I have to get far enough in or they will see my legs, Morty,” Rick said, pushing his way upward and up beside him. 

The thudding got louder and something crunched down hard, sealing their exit. An odd buzzing sound took place between two of the bugs, Morty suspected some sort of language. 

After a few minutes of effort, Rick managed to stretch the sides of the root enough to make room for them both, but just barely. Morty’s hands were pinned down at his sides and one of Rick’s thighs pressed in-between his. Morty would have considered this progress if at that very Moment, the earth shook and the root was plucked from the ground with them still hidden inside.

“Wh-what’s going on, Rick? What’s happening!?” Morty squeaked, trying to wiggle his way back down toward the exit that no longer existed. 

“The insects like to eat this root Morty, we got to get out of here Morty….just...just calm down.” 

“Oooh Rick, I-I don’t want to get eaten! I’ve got to get out of here. I’m super claustrophobic. And the slime is starting to sink into my clothes, Rick. You know I hate small spaces. Why did we even come here?”

“I-Its ok, Morty. They like to boil the root, and the nearest town is about an hour away. Just stop moving. I’ll think of a way out of here. S-s-stop squirming, Morty.” 

“I can’t do this, I hate these types of situations. I don’t want to, to be boiled alive, Rick. I think if I can just get my hands free I can scratch a hole in the root. “ Morty said. 

Ricks breath came in labored huffs. “M...Morty, s-stop moving...please.” 

“I’m only trying to SAVE OUR LIVES here, Rick! You aren’t the only one uncomfortable. My hands are still pinned. I think they are holding us upright, but if I use my legs I think I can wiggle upward and see if I can find the other end of the root.”

“No don’t! Morty...o-oh…. Morty. S-stop. T-this is bad.” 

“I know Rick, why do you think I am….trying….to…..” Morty trailed off. 

“...” 

“ Rick…?” 

“Fu...you know...this isn’t….I-I don’t…. Sometimes when certain stimulus--”

“Rick, you’re hard.”

“Oh...I um...this isn’t what you think, Morty. W-what is a little ch-chub between relatives anyway, Morty.” 

“Right now, Rick.You choose RIGHT NOW? Fuck we are going to be insect food, Rick!” 

“What do you mean choose, Morty? Oh f-fuck...stop moving for the love of….” 

Rick stilled, voice heavy as he said. “Y-you’re doing this on purpose.” 

“What? No! I am just trying to find a way out.” 

“Everything. The last couple weeks. I knew it. You’ve been acting differently.” 

“What? No, Rick no.” 

“I see now,” Rick said, voice dripping with certainty. Rick placed his hands on the root an inch away from either side of Morty’s head and began to rhythmically and oh so slowly roll his hips into Morty’s. 

It took everything in Morty not to moan. A simple change in the way Rick talked could set every nerve ending Morty hand on fire. It only took two or three gentle pulses of pressure between his legs to have him erect and straining against the fabric of his jeans. 

Rick’s voice dropped even lower, almost a purr, dripping with a truth Morty couldn’t decipher. “ ‘ Over it…’ Morty? Isn’t that what you said? Really now…Every single move since that night in the Mind Blower chamber, yes it is coming together...well played, Morty. Very carefully planned, and-and-and almost perfectly executed. You wanted me to notice you….well, Morty. Here I am…” 

“Oh...R-Rick…” Morty flushed. He couldn’t believe this was happening. His entire body grew hot and he shivered against Rick’s frame. The feeling of his Rick’s weight on him was more than enough. He could die happy now. 

Rick put a finger to his lips and slid it down his neck. “But I think you forgot who you are dealing with, Morty… you opened this can of worms, see. I can’t stop myself now.” He popped Morty’s shirt open, button by button, every movement slow and deliberate and sensual. Every few seconds he’d push his massive cock into Morty’s stomach gently. Morty could feel his nipples responding and his dick gave a hard twitch, searching for something…searching for everything. “Rick...yes…” Morty begged. 

“This is so messed up, Morty. I am about to fuck my own grandson so hard. You will be ruined. I am going to ruin you, Morty, do you hear me? And you are going to love. every. minute. of. it. 

Morty grew hotter with Rick’s words, but he had no idea if it was in anger or in wanton lust. “There is no Grandfather...no grandson. There never was. It was just Rick and Morty. Always R-Rick, oh mmm, and Morty. Forever. Outside of time. O-Outside of rules. We don’t need rules, Rick. We only need each other.” 

Now was the time for action. Morty pushed away from Rick as much as he could to free his hands. He tore off the rest of his shirt and tugged his pants down. In the same beat, he began working on Rick’s lab coat. Rick chuckled before stopping him. 

“Bold words, Morty. Impatient words. You are so...young...let me teach you... “ Rick chided. 

“Ok Rick. Teach me. Give me everything you got, Rick.” 

“Damn, Morty, you are going to stop an old man hearts like that,” Rick replied. “Not here...Not like this. Let’s get out of this mess first, then I will….what did you say? Give you everything I got.”


	8. CHAPTER 8

Chapter 8

It was four days later before they made it back to the ship. Rick’s body was nearly lifeless. He was twitching with severe withdrawal symptoms. He was clammy and pale. He was drooling and cursing out orders to people who were not there. The dark circles under his eyes were like staring into the abyss. Morty, half dragging him, was in no better condition physically. They had fought long and hard. They had used all their explosives. They had to eat anything they killed. They had to build a oxygen extractor with excess energy from the portal gun to wire up to their masks every hour so they would not die of the toxicity. They had to learn the entire insect language in while hiding in the vents in order to rig their computers to implode the entire compound and THEN they had to make the twenty three-mile trek back without the masks they so desperately needed, but Rick and Morty, ever the surviors, ever the champions of the universe, had done it. 

So when they found Jesse, perfect, almost glowing, perched up on top of the ship with a handmade banjo and what appeared to be one of Rick’s flasks tucked in his lap...you could say that the final straw that broke the metaphorical camel's back had been tossed on along with a pile of rocks just to be safe. 

“Well, there you guys are. I've been waiting for days! Damn, you look like you’ve been through hell and a McDonalds factory. Get in the ship, I had a couple words with the 'ol gal and she was more than happy to provide all the lovely breathing air I could ever want. I figure you’d show up here sooner or later. You were cutting it close though, I was about ready to re-hardwire her to take me back.” 

“W-what...? How...? The aliens...?” Morty asked. 

“Oh, those bugs? Yeah, they were nasty, almost had me, but I’ve been hunting before, they were pretty easy to redirect. I put some slim jims in the shot-gun and they took after it like dogs. ...I guess... I mean I may have shot it in the direction y’all were headed. Gosh. I hope that didn’t cause any issues.” 

Rick pulled out a pistol. “If you’ve so much as looked at my ships traveling lo-OUGH-gs, logs, I will end you, right here. Right now.” 

“Hey, easy, easy, now. Right, Morty? ...M-Morty? Want to help a fella out here?”

“O-oh Rick, I-I’m so tired, don’t...ya’ know, don’t kill him. It would just be more work to clean the blood off of the ship.”

After a moment Rick sighed and lowered the pistol. “...Y-eah Morty, yeah I am beat...but listen here you son of a Walmart whore. You keep your hands off my grandson. He’s not your's anymore.”

“Not mine?” Jesse asked.

“Come on M-Morty, help an old man to his flask- I mean, ship.” 

“Can do, Rick. I get half of it though.” 

“Sure, anything for you bud.” 

Morty tenderly hobbled with Rick over to the driver’s side of the spaceship.

“Oh, I see what's happening here. I knew there was something fucked up about this. Your own Grandfather, Morty? I tell you what, I’ve seen some things, but never that.” 

“Can I shoot him now?” Rick said after a long swig. 

“No.”

“But...OUGH but he knows Morty.” 

“Outside of rules, Rick. I don’t care how other people view this. Nobody, but us gets to decide our fate, Rick. They won’t be the ones living the sham of a life if we don’t do what our heart’s want. No, what our hearts need, Rick. I won’t hide anymore, from anyone. Rick and Morty, remember? 100 years, remember?” 

Rick sighed. “Yeah, 100 years...I remember.”

“Well, that’s just sweet. Weird...but heck, I can get on that. In fact, I have had a bit of a crush on you for a while, Rick. You look like the type who can take charge of someone like me. Really put me in my place.” Jesse sauntered over and was walking two fingers along Rick’s chest. “What do you say, big guy. Want to make me the lucky pierre?” 

“Ok, you can shoot him now,” Morty said. 

“With plea-OUGH-sure,” Rick replied, wasting no time in raising the gun he still held in his hand. His finger never leaving its easy grasp on the trigger. Almost as if knowing this was to be the outcome all along. Rick shot Jesse in between the eyes before he could squeak out any sort of plea. They both watched as his body slid to the ground, eyes wide open, tongue lolling out of his mouth, and a tent pitched in his pants. 

“Man, what a weirdo,” Morty said with a shiver, hopping over to his side.

“C-OUGH-Called it!” Rick gloated.

“Yeah, yeah, you know everything, now let's go home.” 

“Oh no, Morty. Not home.” 

Curious, but too tired to argue, Morty sunk back into his seat as Rick set some coordinates into the computer. “W-where are we going, Rick?” 

“I promised you some of my time and knowledge I believe, but-but-but Morty, I can’t do something like that in the house. Not my daughters house M-Morty.”

“Oh,” Morty said, heat rising to his face. “Well, um….I…”

“No pressure tonight, Morty. Grandpa needs sleep, and by the looks of it, so do you.” 

“Oh thank god, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings Rick, but I am so not in the mood right now.”

“Trust me. I know what I am doing, Morty.”

“I do trust you, Rick.” 

They traveled through space quietly after that, too tired to talk, too exhausted to sleep. It was nearly two hours before Rick pulled up to a satellite hovering above a giant crystal planet. You could see right through it, and the only reason Morty even knew it was there at all against the vaccum of space was the spaceships headlights rebounding back off of it and into their faces. 

“Where are we?” Morty asked, shielding his eyes. 

“This is a nice little hotel I like to visit every now and again. The owner owes me big for setting up a force field around the planet to protect them from Shmuttlepuffs.”

“What are Shmuttl-?”

Rick cut in impatiently. “Think space mosquitoes with a dangerous affinity for laying their eggs under your eyelids.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, well I happened to be passing by and heard their SOS. I had nothing to do so I popped over and set it up for them.”

“Wow just like that?”

“I can be a nice guy sometimes, Morty.”

“No… tell me the truth.”

Rick sighed. “So, they may have had this antidote I needed to save Summers ass once.” 

“Oh, and they gave it to you for efforts?”

“...Not exactly, look don’t mention it while we are here, they still think it was destroyed in a gas explosion.” 

“Ok, Rick.” Morty said, not even close to surprised.

“Good, now let's go get us a bed.”

That sounded like heaven to Morty. 

Getting a room was fairly painless, but something about the ‘Oh, it's you two again’ comment from the staff woman didn’t sit right with him. This was the first time he’d been here...which meant Rick had some explaining to do. When Morty brought it up after they had showered and changed into PJ’s, each in turn to avoid any premature sloppy action, Rick lowered his head a little and his pale sallow cheeks changed to a dull red. Rick flushed-- IN EMBARRASSMENT! 

“Oh god, Rick, that bad? I don’t think I’ve ever seen your cheeks like that.”

“S-Shut I...Oh...Ok I U-Um…” Rick said, trying to defensively sink down within himself, but unable to scold Morty for something he himself did. 

Woah. Morty thought. 

“I...may….ha-OUGH-ve…” Rick’s voice was tight and strained like he was forcing out a gigantic turd. “ I-I..built an A.I...of you.” 

“Ah! A clone, Rick!? YOU SICK BASTARD!” 

“No! Morty, you little shit, listen! I said an A.I.! A-I! A robot. But...it was pretty lifelike, Morty.” 

“And you brought me, it, here. Did you...do it...with my A.I.!?”

“...Yeah…I did...I am sorry Morty.” Rick said, unable to say much else.

“As if I wasn’t already nervous enough, Rick! You know all of me already! How am I supposed to compete with that, Rick?! You selfish bastard! You took away our first time for your own twisted pleasure while I, Rick, I have been suffering!” 

“No! Morty, I swear. I swear I didn’t know we were going to be together. I was doing it as a way to somehow cure myself, Morty. I thought if I could get it all out of my system…”

“How did you not know, Rick! You know everything! Even I knew, Rick!” 

“Well… I had hoped...but after that party at the football stadium… I hit a really dark place, Morty. And it was either fuck your A. I. or kill Jerry, Morty. I swear I would have killed him.”

“Why?” 

“W-OUGH-Why? Because he’s a JERRY!” Rick scowled.

Morty sighed, squshing his eyebrows together and rolling over in bed to crunch into a ball away from Rick. “ Let’s get some sleep.”

“Do you forgive me?”

“No! Rick, NO! ...not yet anyway. Just...make it up to me tomorrow...then we will see.”

Silence. Then in a resigned tone, Rick said, “Okay, Morty.” 

Rick crawled into bed too and they fell into a deep sleep. Comfortable. Peaceful. Dreamless. And sometime during the night, Morty searched out his Grandfather’s warmth. Rick turned out to be very accommodating, with one arm tucked under Morty’s head and half of Morty’s body cuddled up to Rick’s side, they stayed like that until long after either of them needed breakfast. No words. No doubts. 

But eventually, it had to come to an end. Morty really needed to use the toilet, so he pushed himself away from Rick and made his way to the bathroom. 

Prepping his body for sex with another man was something Morty was used to by now, but no less uncomfortable. He spent the next three hours near the bathroom while Rick bitched about it and wrote out plans for an alternative method for cleaning out a colon. 

"Seriously, I don't have time for this Morty. Don't you know that I need to be at Perciptonlyn's third moon in less than a week--AND I need to come with a temolin infused bomb. One I haven't built yet, Morty." 

"This isn't a walk-in the park for me either, Rick! God, it's been a few days since I last ate, how can I possibly have this much shit. It is miserable." 

"Don't worry, Morty. I am making plans now." Rick said, scribbling furiously on a small notepad he had found in one of the desks. When he had filled seventy-three pages, he gave up and went out in search of food. Morty used that time to brush his teeth and shave. Rick may be an asshole, but Morty still wanted to look nice for him. 

Rick came back with a feast and Morty, starving, ate half of it. Rick was on par with him and that was when tensions became tight--for the last dumpling. 

“Get your hands off it you fucking bastard.” Rick yelled, blocking Morty's fork with his own. 

“Rick, I swear, I’ll never forgive you for fucking my A.I. if I don’t get this dumpling.”

“And how much do you think I care about your forgiveness, Morty?” 

“ Maybe just a little right now, but I, you, I,-- you’ll care a lot more if I just forget this whole thing and go tell Mom...or Dad, Rick…” 

“You wouldn’t.” 

“Give me the dumpling, Rick.” 

“OVER MY DEAD CORPSE, MORTY!”

Unfortunately, it only got worse. Morty ended up with a busted lip a fractured rib cage and Rick, with a black eye and a broken finger. The old man was more scrappy than Morty had thought. 

Finally, they stopped when a large space rat crawled out of the wall, took the dumpling, and spat the word “ Barbarians!” in an English accent before scuttling back into his hole. 

Rick had been saddling Morty, choking him, but with the threat of the long cold food neutralized, their positions took on new meaning. He released Morty’s neck and slowly trailed a hand down Morty's chest, lifted his shirt, and tweaked a nipple. Morty let out a gasp of surprise. 

“What do you say we get down to the “making it up to you” part. Rick breathed. 

Morty was disoriented, to go from raging and furious to wanton lust and breathless fear made his head spin- and his body react violently. Rick didn’t give him a chance to think. He covered Morty’s mouth with his own and set his other hand to work on Morty’s other nipple, tweaking both in delicious patterns that made Morty squirm. 

Morty wasn’t going to let Rick win him over this time. Wasn’t going to let him make Morty look like a fool and act like a dead fish, as he was sure his A.I. counterpart had. Morty flipped Rick over and used all his strength to pin Rick's hands behind his head. Morty parted his legs with his own knees and dipped his pelvis down to grind into Rick’s massive behemoth cock between their layer of clothes. 

To his pleasure, Rick let out a groan, but not before slipping a hand from Morty and winding it in his hair. Yanking it backward and thrusting his own hips upwards. 

“Riiick...” Morty whined, “You can’t top from the bottom, Rick.”

“I-I can do whatever I want Mo-ORGH-ty. Now take off your clothes.”

“Just me, Rick. What about you?”

“Go-OUGH-d you’re such a baby, Morty,” Rick said. He shoved Morty off of him and began to slowly peel off his clothes. Unbuttoning his lab coat. Unclipping his wristwatch and flinging it across the room. Ice like eyes. Morty was entranced. Rick undressed with fever and fury, but his eyes were locked on Morty’s. He was calm and in control of every movement. Shoes. Shirt. Pants. All were thrown to the side, discarded with little emotion, Morty knew Rick knew that it drove him crazy. Slowly Morty moved, crawling across the carpet to help him pull down his trousers and unleash his monster. 

And what a monster it was. 

Morty didn’t like dick. He knew that. But this was the most beautiful one he’d ever seen-aside from his own, to which he was partial. A full 11 inches of thick sausage. Perfectly sculpted, from base to tip. It was already dripping, and it was such a lewd sight that from someone that was usually so cold that he swallowed thickly. Morty looked up at Rick for permission. Rick chuckled and nodded. “Knock yourself out.”

That was a challenge if Morty ever heard one. Rick didn’t think he was good enough. Well, Morty may be new to dick, but he had learned some things from Jesse that could be applied here. 

So he proved Rick wrong. 

He started out slow at first, as you do. Taking his time and learning every bump. Every vein, every smooth hard surface, savoring the flavor of salty and clean and purely Rick.

In, out. In, out. In, out. Twist the tongue around the head. In, out. Squeeze the ballsack. In, out. In, out. Drag his fingernails down Rick’s hips. In, out. In, out. 

He took his time to enjoy himself, notice every little sharp intake of breath Rick made. Once he felt he had of Ricks trigger point’s down, he picked up the pace. He pushed Rick deep into the back of his throat until he felt his own body respond. He was hard now too and it was all he could do to keep from touching himself. Morty knew he could make it quick for himself, but not nearly as satisfying as if he let him leak all over himself in anticipation of whatever Rick had in store.

“F-fu-CK! Morty. Fuck….You...gotta… I can’t… stop…” Rick said through clenched teeth. Shoving his hands in Morty’s hair he took over control of the pace, faster and faster he forced Morty to take more of him. Morty couldn’t breathe. Again and again, Rick slammed into him and Morty expected it would all be over soon, but Rick surprised him. After a few moments more, when he felt Rick swell in his mouth and he had prepared himself to take all of Ricks load- almost cruelly, Rick pulled away. Very suddenly. Denying him everything. Morty instantly wanted to pull him back into his mouth, Rick held him at bay. 

“Not...Done...With You...Yet.” Rick huffed as he stumbled away to collect himself. “Now...strip for me, Morty.”

God his voice was amazing. Morty thought, with lips burning from stretching so wide. He stripped as slowly and sensually as he could. Turning every now and again to show Rick his ass. Morty had a nice ass, Jesse had told him so many, many, times. 

When his boxers fell to the floor, precum dribbled after it. Rick raised an eyebrow and smirked. “So ready for me to take control of you, hmm?” 

Morty whined despite himself. “ Yes… p-please, Rick.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Now lay on the bed. No, on your stomach. Yeah, th-OUGH-at, that’s nice Morty. Lift up your ass. Show me everything.” 

Morty was embarrassed by these requests, but not uncomfortably so. He was just so eager to have Rick inside him already. So when he felt Ricks tongue instead of his cock, Morty jumped. “W-what are you doing Rick?”

“Shh, relax. Just focus on the sensation. I want to taste you first.”

Rick blew cold air on Morty’s hole. Then hot. He made circles and patterns around the puckered skin that drove Morty wild. Rick even used his teeth to scrape him gently. With his right hand, reached around to slowly and sensually stroke Morty’s cock. It was too slow. Morty wanted more. His dick was twitching uncontrollably now. He wanted to cum so bad. If he didn’t get some relief soon…he was probably going to go insane.

“R-Rick. Please.” Morty said, pushing his ass further into Rick’s face, unable to control himself. 

“Yes, Morty… I love the way you look. So are so beautiful when you beg for me. Do it again.” Rick said.

“Pleeease. Oh god, Rick! Please! I-Im begging. See. Please!”

“Please what?”

“You’re going to make me say it?”

“Yeah. Say it, Morty. Tell Grandpa what you want.”

“Ahnn. Oh god. I- I want your cock inside me. Please Rick, hurry!”

“Good, Mmm. Ok. I’ll give it to you.” 

Morty couldn’t describe his experience for the moments following that. From the first touch of the skin of Rick’s cock to Morty’s hot asshole. From the fear that Rick would be too big. From the cold wetness of the lube. From the burning as he stretched to accommodate Rick, inch by slow inch. Feeling so full. So right. So wrong. 

“Rick this is too much. I have to cum. Please stop stroking me or I’ll cum too soon.” 

“Oh no...not yet Morty,” Rick said, voice dipping down a few octaves. “Just try to hold off. Let's see how well you can control yourself.” 

Morty keened. "I can't..." 

Then Rick started to move in earnest. Slow, shallow. Deep, Hard. Slow, deep. He never hit Morty the same way twice and every new experience threatened to send Morty over the edge. With Rick’s hard stomach and chest pressed into his back along with Rick ever sensually, ever slowly stroking his shaft with his right hand. 

“I-I, oh...ah….AHN! I can’t anymore, Rick." Morty said. 

"Come for me, Morty." Rick said, just like he did the day the ballsack monsters attacked earth. Morty realized then, that Rick hadn't been faking it. He had been thinking about Morty too.

AHHHHHN!” Morty moaned and finally, he shuddered, violently. So violently that Rick was forced to haul him up onto his knees so he could keep working Morty’s cock. Making sure he stroked it through every last spasm. 

Morty didn’t think he had ever come so hard, so much, in his life. The afterglow immediate and heaven like. His face flushed. His body tingled all over. His entire form went limp and he just panted, unable to enthusiastically push back into Rick as he picked up his own rhythm. 

That didn’t stop Rick. He dragged his hands roughly up and down Morty’s body in his passion. One settled for clutching Morty’s thigh, the other tweaked his nipple, highly sensitive from having just finished. Morty, let out a strangled hiss as Rick pinched it. Morty smiled when he heard his grandfather’s labored huffs of breath become stronger. That Rick was so turned on by Morty’s noises, made Morty smile mischievously and for added effect, he moaned softly into each thrust Rick gave. Rick grunted and his thrusting came harder and more sporadic. Rick was close too. 

“Turn around M-Morty.” 

“What?”

“TURN!” Rick yelled desperately as he pulled out and flipped Morty over. Two thrusts into his own hand and Rick came all over Morty’s body. His stomach. His face. His hair. Morty was surprised at first, but almost cheekily, he scooped some onto his fingers to lick.

“B-B-Beautiful….” Rick said in awe. 

Morty was touched he thought so. Rick collapsed on him, and Morty stroked his hair, feeling Ricks' heart thud against his stomach.

They stayed like that for a while. Silence was the most comfortable language between them right now. It was only later as Rick drew a bath and they scrubbed each other clean that Morty froze in pure panic for a good five minutes before Rick noticed.

“Wh-what’s wrong with you?” 

“Oh god, what have I done, Rick? You’re my Mom’s Dad!” 

“ BOUGH- Yeah, but you’re my daughter’s kid. I am pretty sure I win th-that one M-M-OURGH-ty.”

“It’s not about winning, Rick.”

“Yes, it is, it-OUGH- is always about winning.” 

Morty sighed.

“What are we going to do now?” Morty asked. 

“Well...you-you can just finish up college...then we will... take off,” Rick said. If Morty wasn’t mistaken, there was a question in his words.

“Leave!?” Morty’s voice scaled. “What about Mom?”

“O-Oh shut your panties, Morty. Beth and Jerry aren’t going to miss me too much, not with the way I have been the last few years...I m-mean, we will come back for human holidays and stuff, Morty...but no matter what, they won’t accept us here Morty. We can ignore their insults and stares...for a while anyway. They’ll win though. They are stronger than we are...I know a few planets, though, where we wouldn’t be judged. I...I’ll buy a house. No! I’ll build a house for us, Morty. A little at a time while you finish your degree, Morty. Then we can just…”

“Be normal?”

“Well, no, Morty, you idiot. We will never be normal, ...but we can pretend we are.” 

Morty thought a moment. Looking into Rick’s eyes to judge the seriousness of his offer. His eyes were drawn to the side as if afraid Morty would scorn him for even thinking it. 

“O-okay. Yeah….I like the sound of that, Rick.” 

Rick smiled a genuine smile. Something rare for him. “Me too, sport. Now, what do you say we hit the whirly-dhirly before heading home?” 

“Sweet! The first one who pukes buys the other a drink?” Morty asked, grabbing Rick’s flask from the bathroom floor and downing it. 

“You’re on,” Rick said, narrowing his eyes as he stood to go acquire more from the suitcase. 

 

THE END!!!! YAY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for all the words of encouragement and praise! This was my first sex scene, so I hope I didn't disappoint! What a fabulous ending to this short story. I think I tied everything up nicely and happy endings have always been my favorite, though this one almost wasn't. Please comment and let me know what you thought!! xoxoxoxoxo -Nicole


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